I haven’t blogged in a while. Probably been over a month. Haven’t been too active on Facebook or Twitter, either. I guess it’s safe to say I’ve been a little preoccupied. If you haven’t been here before, there’s a couple of things I should outline first:
1. I’m a father of three and my middle child, 9-year-old Jack, is severely autistic. He’s the “Jack” in Operation Jack. I’ve done a lot of charity stuff in his name to fight autism. That’s the only reason I’m public about anything — I’m trying to make some good out of what he goes through. Click here to see how the Operation Jack Autism Foundation and the Operation Jack Marathon have brought in about $180,000 in the past three or so years.
2. We’ve been in a VERY long fight to try to get Jack into school. He’s been out this entire year. Here’s some backstory. It’s the ugliest thing I’ve ever been a part of and quite frankly, it’s sad to know how dirty some people in this world are. In a nutshell, we didn’t like the poor education he was receiving. We hoped the Boulder Valley School District could offer something better than what he was receiving at one of their schools he was attending and they sold us on some allegedly great autism program at a different school they had. Well not only was that program not any better for Jack than the program he was coming from — it was at an unsafe school. The playground he would have been on was 86 feet from a parking lot and UNFENCED! Jack elopes, which means he runs away when he gets a chance. The math of it is that he was less than a two-second lapse in supervision away from a potentially fatal incident at any given moment. So, he’s been out of school this entire school year.
Well, for those of you who have been following along and haven’t seen an update, we FINALLY have this situation resolved. FINALLY, he has a safe school to go to. He won’t be in school the rest of this school year, but he’ll start back up in the fall. That’s because we’re moving from Colorado to Pennsylvania.
The folks at the Boulder Valley School District who read my blog will be thrilled to read this today. I have to think their wish was to drive us out of town. And while they might think they won, in reality it’s my son who’s going to win. He’s going to get the education and services he deserves. Finally, Jack is going to stop being the big loser in this situation.
My wife Tiffany and I finally decided about a month ago that we needed to leave Colorado. We just relocated here a year ago from California, looking for a better life. The cost of living back there was too much for us and as we saw services starting to diminish, so we moved to Colorado. Cost of living is good here, there’s enough work for me, plus it’s a quick flight back home to see the family. Naively, we assumed no state could be much worse for kids with autism than California. Well, you know what they say about assuming.
We fought and fought and fought for our Jack. I have no regrets about that. I will never apologize for fighting for my kids or my wife. This year took a huge toll on Jack and Tiff, which trickled down to my other two kids, Benjamin and Ava, and ultimately me, too. As I’ve told everybody, I aged in dog years this past year. It’s been absolutely miserable.
I know we did nothing wrong other than want a good education for Jack. When we saw that he wasn’t getting an education at his first school, we wanted him to be moved. When he was moved and we saw that the school was incredibly unsafe for him, we wanted him moved back. Given the choice, we’d rather sacrifice his education than his safety. And really, given the qualifications of the person who would be teaching him (high school diploma, speaks English, interested in working with children a plus), he wasn’t going to be getting any kind of quality education at the unsafe school.
But, the district blocked the move back to the safe school. They never gave us a truthful reason (they said he couldn’t go back to the school we wanted him to go to because we didn’t want him to go there, even though we repeatedly asked for him to go there). The teacher and principal who made that decision would never sit down with me and have a face-to-face meeting to explain their decision or address the inconsistencies in what the principal told me. The only reasons I can imagine the teacher didn’t want Jack back is because we think she was mad at Tiff because Tiff (appropriately, in an IEP meeting) said she didn’t think Jack was getting pushed hard enough. Or maybe the teacher didn’t want to deal with a child as difficult as Jack? The school spent all last spring trying to convince us other schools could handle him better. I don’t think they wanted to deal with him.
The assistant superintendent who backed the decision of the principal also refused to have a face-to-face meeting with me to explain why he backed their decision, to address the inconsistencies in what he told me, or to tell me how he made a decision do deny what me and my wife asked for based on what he thought me and my wife said without talking to me or my wife! He did eventually refuse to respond to my questions. Tough to answer when there are no answers.
I’ll give the chief academic officer credit. She at least gave me an hour of her time. What she said conflicted what was said by virtually everybody else I dealt with on this, and despite my four-page written request to have Jack returned to the safe school, she refused to allow him to return to the safe school because she said I didn’t want him to return to the safe school.
The superintendent met with us, but didn’t really say much — he just let us talk — and never officially got back to us with any kind of decision. The school board deferred to the superintendent the first time I contacted them and ignored me the second time.
I had an offer of a donated fence for the district and they turned it down. I hired an advocate and we didn’t get anywhere. I hired a lawyer and we didn’t get anywhere. Our resources our finite, which is what I suspect the district was banking on.
I questioned the school district’s attorney and couldn’t get answers and eventually she told me she wasn’t going to respond to me any more. Other lawyers I talked to told me that lawyers stop talking when they don’t have answers. That makes sense. I told her, face-to-face, that the solution to all of this was to have me, Tiff, the principal and the teacher sit down at a table and hash out grown-up differences so the disabled kid could get back to school. When she told me that the safe school was not an option, I asked her if that was her decision or if she was given those marching orders. She just stared at me like I was a mirror. I’m pretty sure there was a lot of dirty stuff going on behind the scenes because nobody every gave me an honest answer to my simple question: Why can’t Jack go back?
The final part of my fight was a moderately lengthy letter to all the players involved in this at the district, asking for an explanation of how they planned to keep him safe if we took him to the unsafe school. It was my contention that they did not have a plan to keep him safe and that they had been acting illegally in how they handled the IEP meetings. I repeated my claim to them that they were not offering him the fair and appropriate public education he is entitled to.
The response I got was that they understood I disagreed with their position and they wouldn’t be responding to me any more. No answer to how they would keep him safe. Because they couldn’t.
So there you had it. We had nothing. We could fight and spend well over $10,000 to go to court and if we won, what was the prize? Returning him to a school where the teacher and principal didn’t want him and were willing to spite him and keep him out of school for a year? A school where the data collected in the observations was so terrible we didn’t bring it to the surface because we didn’t want to embarrass the teacher?
That was the prize, if we won and then won an inevitable appeal by the district. We have two other kids and we decided it was now or never to make a move. We rented out here for a year because we wanted to buy on the right street, in the right housing development, etc. Well, we had the opportunity to move, but we didn’t want the other two to be too settled in to their schools.
So we had to choose — uproot Ben and Ava, or anchor down and hope that we could win in court and that dealing with the Boulder Valley School District for the next seven years would get better. To me, it was apparent that those schools are a place for teachers, not for students, and all the way up their ladder they protect their own. If you ask me, anybody who is willing to spite a 9-year-old low-functioning autistic child has no business being in education. Those are not the people we wanted to surround our kids with. So we decided to move. Everywhere in the lower 48 was in play at that point.
I reached out to some pretty well-placed connections in the autism community I’ve made. We researched it this time. We made the decision to move to Pennsylvania. There’s more work for me on the Philadelphia side of the state than the Pittsburgh side, plus we talked to some people in the Philadelphia area who gave us a lot of good info. The first night I looked on Monster, I saw two jobs that screamed at me and I applied for them. I got a call at 8:10 a.m. Eastern time the next morning about one of them. Three weeks later, I got that job.
This has been a pretty rough year. All year long I prayed and prayed and prayed for this to get resolved. It seemed like there was no good solution here in Colorado and I didn’t know what to do. I don’t think BVSD can handle Jack and that’s why they were so willing to keep him out of school. I don’t know and I never really will.
But I know that he’s going to be so well off in Pennsylvania, it’s going to be amazing. I know that we would have never gone straight there from California last year. I know that we would have anchored down and stayed put if we were in someplace that was marginally acceptable. But we came here. We hit rock bottom. And I really think we’re getting it right this time. We’ve had to lean a lot on our faith this year, knowing we’re getting tested, not knowing why and not knowing what to do. But it’s clear to us that God wants us in Pennsylvania.
This transition happened fairly easily for us. I mean, I found a job halfway across the country in one night. I start work there March 18. This has been an ugly, ugly year for us. It’s been incredibly tough on Tiff and Jack. But it’s going to get better.
I have no clue what I’m doing in this world or how I’m doing it. I don’t know the right or wrong way. All I know is that I’m in the stage of my life where I’m raising children and nothing else matters but them and my wife. I will fight for them and sacrifice for them and do whatever it takes. And I will never apologize for that.
On March 15, I’m leaving Colorado to drive to Pennsylvania. I’m going to rip the rear-view mirror out of my car, because I’ll never look back.
James Fellrath says
Sorry this is how it all worked out, but even more sorry that the very people who were supposed to be helping you in Boulder were the biggest roadblocks to Jack’s education. I really hope that your story is lambasted all over the State of Colorado, because it needs to be. That district needs to be shamed.
And I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for in Pennsylvania. You guys do so much for everyone in the Autism community and you deserve that absolute best in your own lives as well!
Christy says
So happy to hear good things are in your path, especially for Jack! Schools in the Northeast part of the country consistently outrank schools anywhere else. I think you guys will do well here!
I’m just a short ride away in DC so I hope to catch you at some East Coast races soon!
April Eggler says
Sam, thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration and Jack has an awesome family fighting for him. I wish you and your family the best in Pennsylvania!
Morgan says
What a freaking cluster Sam, I am so sorry to hear about all your issues in Boulder. You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers. God speed to Penn.
Lisa @ TACA says
Families shouldn’t have to move to feel safe having their kids in public schools. I read stories like this and my heart breaks. What happened to no child left behind?
I admire the strength of team Jack. I think his family is pretty fabulous.
School districts should not feel proud they drove a family out of town. They should have some responsibility to help educate and support all families – even the special ones.
Peggy says
I’ve seen the story in pieces, and it’s heart breaking to see it all laid out here. You and your family have been through hell. I’m so glad God has opened the door to move to PA, and I pray that things will only get better for all of you from here. You and Tiff are incredible individuals; your faith and dedication are truly inspiring to all of us. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
Jacki Maybin says
Sam, I am so incredibly moved by the events of this past year. I miss you all terribly out here in Cali, but you are right the services are going down hill for sure. I am so excited for what PA will hold for all of you. Tiff has done an amazing job with Jack and awesome credit to Jack as well. He is such a sweetie and I miss seeing him at school every day. Best of luck on your travels to your new home. Please be sure to send me your address when you get it so I can send you a Christmas card.
Hugs
Jacki
Tricia Smith says
Sam , I have been following your journey since you launched Operation Jack, and this last year sounds like it has been a big strain on everyone. I am so excited for the new beginning you all will have in Pennsylvania! You are being led by God’s hand and following willingly. God bless you ! Sending wishes for a smooth transition into your new job and home. Your family is strong, courageous, and most of all the love you have for them is simply amazing !! Wishing you all the best !!! Keep us posted 🙂
laura says
jack’s lucky to have the parents he does…. some would have quit a long time ago just to make their lives easier….
Krissy @ Shiawase Life says
Wow, what a process.
I am sorry that it just didn’t work out in CO like it SHOULD have, but kudos to you and your family for making the best decision in this situation. Sending you well wishes on the next step of this journey. You guys deserve it!!
Angela says
I am both sad and lifted up at the same time. Thank you so much for what you do. You aren’t just fighting for Jack. You’re fighting for all our children.
God bless,
Angela
Kyle Scully says
As a person born and raised in Pennsylvania (now I live in NJ) it warms my heart that my home state is where you, and your family, will find some peace. Good luck to you, Jack and your entire family along your journey. Remember, God gives the biggest challenges to those who have the broadest shoulders. You make me proud as a fellow parent.
chacha says
I’m so happy you got this worked out! It’s funny – I hear a lot of complaints about California from people in this state, but I have a feeling it’s really not that bad here. Obviously there are many improvements that can be made, but, there are states in the US with much worse situations! To me, Calif is middle of the pack.
My husband grew up in PA – they have some weird liquor laws but other than that, it’s a pretty nice state. You’ll be within driving distance of the Jersey Shore, NYC, and DC. Seems like a great move for everyone :o)
Megan says
While it still upsets me to read all about your year and the ridiculousness that y’all have endured, I am so happy to hear that you’re already on the road to finding a new home, and more important peace for Jack and all of you.
I hope Pennsylvania is all that you ALL need it to be, and more. You all deserve the best!
Kristin says
Wow, Sam, what an ordeal you’ve been through. Boulder schools really should be ashamed for, if nothing else, not giving you a straight answer. Jack is the true victim here.
You may think that you’ve given up and they’ve won, but I see it as you taking the high road — doing what you have to do to provide for your family. (Discretion is the better part of valor and all that.)
At the end of the day, you’re a dad first. And a darn good one from what I can tell from your blog.
Paula Hill says
Tears, tears and more tears and I’m sure nowhere near the amount that has been shed in your home this past year. I am praying for you and Tiff and that your journey is filled with blessings in your move, career and Sam’s education. Thank you for sharing your story…..
MH says
I grew up in Philadelphia. You will love it there. People there love their children and recognize the value of a good education for ALL. Good luck to you and yours,
Suzanne says
Sam, I had heard about you and your son through a friend of mine here in california who helps out with your marathons each year on dec 26. I am so glad to hear that you found a good situation for Jack. If you aren’t sure yet about where to live near philly, I grew up in a great town (doylestown) with a wonderful school district (central bucks). I also know some friends who teach back there, one even in special ed. If you would like me to ask her about special ed programs in the area for autism, please email me. I wish you luck on your move. – Suzanne
Layla says
Philadelphia is a neat city — after all, they have a “LOVE” statue in the middle of it. It’s got so much of our country’s history from the founding fathers who wanted freedom, so that’s another good sign. Safe travels, Sam.
Michelle says
Good luck to you and your family, Sam!!!!
Dan Kalinowski says
I’m a Philadelphia Dad of a great, 12 year-old boy with autism. I’m happy to say hello, welcome you to Philadelphia, show you the autism-friendly places and events that I know of, and introduce our boys!
dan@belikebuddy.com