The only reason I try to train to run marathons is because I love running the Boston Marathon every year. Now, I run for three other reasons that are more important.
First, there’s health. I used to very overweight and it was a legitimate fear of my wife’s that I wouldn’t be around long enough for my kids. That’s not an issue any more and living (fairly) healthy is something I do now. There’s the charity aspect of things. I’ve used my running to create Operation Jack and the Operation Jack Marathon, which together have grossed about $185,000 to fight autism in honor of my son Jack, who’s severely autistic. That’s a huge, huge passion of mine. Also, I love the quiet time I get when I run. It always sets me up for a good day, puts me in a good mood and gets my thoughts together.
But there’s an individual part in there. I love going to Boston. I pushed really hard when I first started running and chased that race as a goal. It drove me to work hard and I got better. I went from a 2:29 half marathon in December 2005 (my first-ever race) to my first marathon (a 4:06) in June 2006 to my first Boston qualifier in October 2007, a 3:07. I trained hard for a long time to get to that level and continued to train hard for a long time to maintain it.
When I went and ran my first Boston, in 2008, I loved it even more than I thought I would. I can’t really put my finger on what it is. I just love that city, love the race, love the spectators, love seeing a lot of friends of mine there every year … I love everything about it. It’s really the only reason I even try to run fast, to get back every year. I think I’ve taken it for granted, because I’ve run it the past six years. Going to Boston in April is just something I do.
But life has really gotten in the way over the past two years with two relocations and major, MAJOR issues with my son Jack. I qualified for the 2013 race by the skin of my teeth and didn’t really think much about 2014. I kept thinking I’d get around to getting in shape and the clock kept ticking and life kept getting in the way. It’s been the toughest year of my life and it’s been a disaster for my family. Running just hasn’t been anything I’ve been able to make time for. I was running 1-2 times a week and I could tell that my fitness wasn’t there.
Six weeks ago, I knew my back was against the wall, but I signed up for the Via Marathon as a last-ditch attempt. I know I’ve got a solid endurance base from years and years of training and 105 marathons under my belt. I figured I’d work on things to try to put myself in the best position to give it a go. Even though I was driven to give it my all during these six weeks, I still had a seven-day period where I couldn’t run because things primarily involving Jack got in the way. He wakes up for several hours in the middle of the night every night and my wife needs my help. I have a job and need to function and can’t just go running on three hours of sleep to prove that I’m hard core.
Anyways, I did my best, getting in four runs of 20+ miles in that six-week span, plus I did tempo runs and lots of strides to work on my speed and turnover. I felt like I showed up ready and rested and hydrated and fueled and ready to go. Mentally, I was prepared to wreck myself if that’s what it took. I knew I only had to get it done for 20 miles, because if I got to that point on target, it would be mental and I’d have the mental strength to get it done.
So, the race was Sunday. I needed to run a 3:10. I went out and felt decent early. Not great, but good enough. I was cautiously optimistic and I locked into a groove and was running the early miles exactly how I wanted to, right around 7:10/mile. My heart rate was on target and my pace was right on the money. Mentally, I was starting to feel good, that it was just me against the course and I just needed to knock off miles.
But at the mile 7 marker, I got the first sense I was in trouble. I’ve done this enough times and I know when it’s my day and when it’s not my day. I knew that things were about to go bad. I gave it a fight for the next three miles and knew at mile 10 that it was just not going to happen. I needed a 3:10 and I wasn’t going to be able to run a 3:10. So I shut it down and went into cruise control, turning it into a training run.
I really wanted to just quit but I didn’t. I’ve never quit a race and that would have really bugged me for a long, long time. So I just kept running. Do you know how mentally challenging it is to run the last 16 miles of a marathon knowing that it’s for absolutely nothing, that what you were running for is gone? I spent 16 miles just thinking about how everything caught up with me. Finally. It was bound to happen. I’m not Superman and I played with fire one too many times.
I ended up running a 3:28:22, earning me a post-race snack bag.
This was my Facebook status I posted after the race:
Was doing well for a bit but knew I was in trouble at 7 and out of luck at 10, so I mailed it in. 3:28. Not going to Boston. First-world problem, but I’m bummed to say the least.
I got some perspective with a comment from a friend:
Big ffffing deal. I’ve been there, I’ve missed. It is truly not that important. You know what I’ve never done? Searched the country and successfully found my son a fence. That my friend, is important.
If you don’t understand what she means about the fence, click here. Made my eyes water to read her comment.
I think I figured out my funk and conveyed it in a tweet:
It’s not so much that I’m not going to Boston. It’s that I used to be good at this and now I suck. C’mon, life, keep taking stuff away …
I always tell myself that I have to prioritize running low enough and I think I’ve done a good job of that lately. I’ve successfully taken care of the things that need to be taken care of in my life. I know it’s not important for me to go run some race, but I guess I’m frustrated. I don’t think I actually suck, but I lost something that I had.
So whatever, life goes on. Jack goes to school. And the sun came up this morning. I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll get it back. Or maybe I’ll just move on.[subscribe2]
Sorry to hear about your marathon. I know that while being a strong runner and getting to Boston aren’t your major life priorities, they are important to you, so I can understand the disappointment. From what I can tell, you and your family are in a better place right now, and if running and qualifying are part of the plan, then you’re in a position to “find” whatever you feel like you’ve lost, even if it doesn’t happen this very second (even though a 3:28 marathon is not remotely unimpressive). It’s not like your legs have been amputated or anything. At any rate, congratulations on finishing another marathon…definitely not a minor accomplishment no matter what the result!