My race report for the 2011 San Francisco Marathon is probably going to be unlike any race report I’ve ever written, because the race was unlike any other I’ve ever run — from the time I made the decision to run it, through the training and then the actual race. Going in, I wrote that it was going to be my toughest marathon ever, and 11 hours after crossing the finish line, I’m having a hard time thinking of any of my previous 93 that wore me down more physically and mentally than this one.
The Purpose
I ran this race in memory of my friend Sue Dailey, who lost her battle with cancer in January. Everything happened so quick with her, and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t hardly think about it and when I see a picture of her, or think about her, all I can do is shake my head. She was too young, and, well, I don’t know what to say. I’m just sitting here shaking my head as I write this. I told myself I’d do something to fight cancer this year in honor of her and that’s what this race was for. I switched my cause (which is normally autism) for this one.
Everybody has little things they can do to contribute to the world. For whatever reason, mine happens to be running a lot and raising money while doing so. This race was for her. I wanted to raise money for cancer charities and help people in her honor, so at least some good can come out of what she went through. That’s all I can really do, and it’s really the least I can do, so I decided to do it. I was planning on some things later in the year, but the San Francisco Marathon contacted me and asked me to run the race and I did so as a Charity Chaser, starting dead last and collecting pledges for each person I passed.
Training
I came into my training cycle for San Francisco on a high, fresh off a personal best of 2:57 in the Boston Marathon in April. I learned some things about what my body reacts to while training for that race and was really optimistic about carrying that over into this cycle. Unfortunately, my body responded poorly. I struggled a lot physically and mentally and had to abort my training plan. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn’t have run this race. But I couldn’t back out of this one, even though I publicly said I wished I could. I kept pushing on and switched things up constantly, trying to find something that would work. Nothing did. I didn’t have much confidence, but I had optimism.
Expectations
I didn’t really know what to expect out of myself heading in because of my training. I thought I’d be anywhere between a 2:57 and a 3:08. The course is tough, the weaving and passing would be tough and I wasn’t sure about my physical condition. But as I wrote last week, I knew I’d be running with a heavy heart and I’d do everything I could to leave everything out there.
As much as time is a measure, though, my biggest concern was the number of people I passed. Based on the numbers from last year, I expected to pass anywhere between 3,800 and 5,000. I really thought I could get above 4,500. The number of people I passed is the bottom line, because that determines how much money I raise. I also wanted to give a worthy effort. This was my race I was running for Sue. It meant a lot to me to give an effort that she was deserving of.
The Race
My plan was to run a touch conservatively in the first half, because there are three killer hills, plus there’s a portion where you run over the Golden Gate Bridge and back that gets extremely congested. I expected the weaving combined with the constant slowing and accelerating would slow me down and cause me to fatigue, but I didn’t know how bad it would be. I just wanted to stay focused and really thrash myself physically. To me, that’s the best you can do in a marathon, and this race deserved my absolute best.
I was a co-Charity Chaser with Dane Rauschenberg, who has done this before. We took off together after a knuckle bump and got rolling. We waited about 30 seconds after the last people went through the start to give us a little bit of space and within a quarter-mile or so, we were stuck in crowds, passing people up. It was a mess. Left, right, slow, stop, zoom, cut to the sidewalk, back to the street — it’s tough to run and look for narrow gaps between people running miles at 14 minutes/mile when you’re running them quicker than 7:00.
I actually felt pretty good, a lot better than I thought I would. I had some tightness early that I normally have, but I felt better than I did in Boston. I could tell that I wasn’t going to have as fast of a time, because the weaving was killing my tangents and slowing me down, but I felt good.
I won’t get into specific details about the course and the race, because I don’t think they’re really necessary. It was tough, and the passing portion took a lot more out of me than I thought it would. The toughest part was the Golden Gate Bridge, because it was such a bottleneck. Crammed situations like that are tough when you’re running with people at your own pace. They’re unreal when you’re passing people running five minutes per mile slower.
Another major problem was the water stations. Typically when I run, I’m with people running at the same speed as me. It’s easy to keep my stride while running through water stations. Yesterday, it was a lot more crowded, though, and people were slowing down and walking through while getting their water. I had to skip several stations early and I paid the price for that later, getting pretty dehydrated by about mile 18.
I didn’t spend a ton of time looking at my pace or heart rate, because I didn’t have much control over how fast I could run. When I found space, I tried to take it. When I came up on people and could find a path, I’d slow down and bounce around them. Things finally opened up by about mile 16, but my legs were absolutely cooked by then. The course is tough as it is, but the way I had to run it made it ridiculous.
I started to get upset because I knew my time was going to be slower than I expected, which meant I would raise less money than I had hoped. This was my one race that I was doing for Sue, and I felt like I was failing. My energy was good, but my legs were failing me. There were several times when I was running that I could tell I had really done a number on myself, which made me happy, because that was the goal. I wanted to feel pain, and I did.
The second half of the race has a lot of downhill, and I’m a strong downhill runner, but I couldn’t gain any momentum this time. I kept looking up at the sky ahead, thinking about Sue, getting upset that I was failing, but telling her I was trying and promising that I’d keep using my running to fight cancer after the race. It was hard to justify the slow day. There were several times that I didn’t hurt too bad, so I pushed until I could feel the pain in my legs. Normally, I run by heart rate. This time, I was starting to go by pain. I was glad to feel that pain, but still, the last several miles were pretty depressing, kind of a “this is it?” moment. For all the hope and expectations I had for this race, I felt like I was going out with a whimper.
Anyways, Dane pulled ahead of me on a hill leading up to the bridge at about mile 5 and in the chaos on the bridge, we separated for the rest of the race. Out of nowhere, I came up on him about 2/10 of a mile from the finish. He fell off the last few miles and had a tough day, too. We picked it up and ran a hard kick to the finish, slapping each other five as we crossed the finish line. We’d joked on Facebook about finishing side-by-side holding hands, and while it was unplanned, we kind of actually did. He congratulated me on my race and I really didn’t have much to say. Our final time was 3:18:17, and I’m still shaking my head thinking about it. I don’t know that I’ve ever blown an opportunity like this one.
I had a golden opportunity for something that meant a lot to me, for someone who was a wonderful person, and I came up short. I came up short big time. The one thing I’m happy about is that I’m in a ton of pain. I know I really wrecked myself. But I viewed this as a job to do and I failed at that job.
The Worst Part
After the race, I spent a chunk of the day walking around San Francisco with my wife Tiffany. I felt a buzz on my phone and I looked at a post on my Facebook wall from my brother, congratulating me for passing 2,925 runners. My stomach dropped and I had to fight back tears. I missed my goal by 25 percent. And it’s not just like I was chasing a time goal. I feel like I cost two cancer charities money. I really don’t even have words to explain how I feel about this. I feel sick to my stomach about this and I’m trying to not even think about it. When I do, I start getting upset. 94 lifetime marathons and I don’t think I’ve ever been this down after one of them. A lot of people are telling me not to beat myself up over it, but I can’t avoid that right now. It’s not about the 3:18, it’s the 2,925. I don’t have that number confirmed yet, and I think there’s a chance it’s wrong, but still, it crushed me.
Keeping My Word
Before the race, I said this was going to me my toughest marathon ever. I wanted it to hurt like no others. I said I knew that God gives me the strength to do what I do and that I can do anything through Him. But I also said that I trusted His plan for me for Sunday. I spent a lot of time promoting Train 4 Autism, the American Institute for Cancer Research and the Be Aware Foundation over the weekend. I thought this would be the only time I ran to fight cancer. But I realized as early as Friday that I can work to fight autism and cancer at the same time without taking away from either cause. As I walked back to my hotel room after the race by myself, I had a little bit of quiet time. I thought about Sue and felt upset that I didn’t get it done for her. But I knew I’d keep going and make it up with more efforts in the future. The was the plan for me on Sunday, to realize I can keep fighting this cancer fight without impacting the autism fight.
So, that’s about it. I’m hoping this disappointment has a carbon half-life and I can move past it sooner rather than later.
If you’d like, you can still make a pledge … just click here!
Dave says
Sam Sam Sam…
You are an incredible athlete who has been blessed to find a great use for his gift. I’m sure I’m not the only one who will be happy to donate based on how many we thought you’d pass. I’ll still wait for the official tally in case it’s higher, but I’m not paying a penny less than 4000 people passed.
You toed the line and towed the pain. A healthy donation is the least we can do as your supporters.
Dave
Ben says
Sam! You may have not met your goal, but since discovering your website, I’ve been super inspired to make my running more about others than myself. I stopped by the Train 4 Autism tent yesterday after the race to get some more information about how to raise money for the organization. My fiancee’s little cousin is also a victim of the disease. Through your efforts, you’ve inspired me to be charitable in my running and I’m blessed God has used you to affect my life in this way. Keep blogging, tweeting about all the ways God’s using you because it really pushes me to aspire to serve Him in similar ways! BTW, I’m certain you passed me during the race =)
Dane Rauschenberg says
First, and absolutely foremost, you did not fail. Charity chasing is a tough gig and on a race like this it is nearly impossible to do well. It is not just running faster than people; it is dodging weaving and ducking them. EVERYTHING is different than running the race you are used to.
Now, because i know that just my mere words of solace may not be enough, i will appeal to your numbers-sense and your sense of charity. Those people who congratulated you on passing 2925 runners? They were going by your gun time. You finished 238th out of 5920. That means you beat/passed 5682 people. Let me repeat that FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED and EIGHTY-Two people!
And besides the money you raised, think about the on-going awareness and long-term effects. This goes beyond just a dollar sign of yesterday. You crushed it.
So shut up and be happy. VERY happy. 🙂
Rock on.
Kris Nicholas says
Sam,
I’m going to hit you in the arm next time I see you, for even considering that you failed. You got out there and did it, it might not have been the finished you wanted, but you did SOMETHING!!! Every bit helps and I ditto what Dave says above.
You Rock!!!!!!
– Kris
Mister says
I think you are a great guy, really I do. I think you are doing great things. But, I’m going to be honest, I think you need to hear you are great more than you need to hear that you’re doing great things. I mean, come on. You don’t need to tell everyone how bad you felt, or how sad you are that you didn’t have a good run. If 1% of the people who ran gave 1% that you give to support causes, the world would have less “causes”. For once, it’d be great to see you happy with your accomplishment, or promote what other people are doing that are inspired by you. Also, while I’m giving my opinion, it’d be cool to see you reply to people you don’t agree with, or who aren’t stoking your ego. Have a great day. 🙂
Jeff says
Hey Sam, sorry to read that it was a tough run and tough day for you out there. What you did for your friend Sue is outstanding. So glad to read what Dane posts as an update on the numbers. I had a feeling you did better than you thought when the official numbers came out. And everyone knows, that like always, you gave it your all. And since I keep up with your training logs, I also know that your training setbacks were not from laziness or anything close to that, but from simple burn-out from training and racing so hard for so long or possibly even from over-training. I say all that to say, you’ve done well and you gave it your all. I have no doubt Sue is very honored by your effort. Congrats to you and Dane and all the support you raised on Sunday. Enjoy some recovery time and keep up the great running!
Bo Brand says
These things happen.
Knicki says
failing would have been to do nothing. you absolutely did not fail.
if this is failing- you’re doing it wrong.
Jose says
Your failure is more than many people’s successes. Bless you and your skewed, but loving, point of view 🙂
danica says
You are being much to hard on yourself my friend. You did a great thing for a dear friend and I know she would say the same thing. You, in no one’s eyes have failed. Keep your chin up and hey, you can always charity chase again in another race. Don’t beat yourself up too much. You did a great thing, ran a great race and worked hard to get where you are.
Alberto says
Great job Sam.
You did great and for a good cause.
Keep up the great work and ENJOY the ride.
Tony Rezek says
I think your only failure was establishing your expectations without knowing what you were getting into. You did a good job calculating what you could do on paper, except you left out too many variables, and most of the unknowns! You have learned! You’ll do better next time, establishing your expectations that is. I doubt you could train or race much harder.
Emil says
I know you have high standards, but sometimes it’s so high that you sound absolutely ridiculous! I think part of your training for your next race should include working on your attitude! Whether you believe it or not, you did a great job out there!
ultrarunnergirl says
Hey Sam, sorry you didn’t nail your goal the way you wanted. As you detailed in your report, this was a whole new kind of race, different than any marathon. Remember, you can only do your best in anything you try. Kudos to getting out there again, in honor of people who count and for causes worth fighting.
Mike says
Well done and in the end you got to finish back with Dane. 94 marathons. Phew. Way to gut it out at the finish. Perhaps this quote from Amby Burfoot is appropriate:”I have learned that there is no failure in running, or in life, as long as you keep moving. It’s not about speed and gold medals. It’s about refusing to be stopped. You might find that one particular direction proves difficult, but there are many directions on a compass. Infinite, in fact. As long as you keep searching, you’ll find your way.”
Press on.
Mike
http://www.facebook.com/WhyMarathon
Mike @ justalittlerun says
Sam,
1st off, GREAT JOB! You did awesome and your drive is amazing! Congratulations! 2nd, thanks for baring it all on the race course and on your blog, that i very admirable and inspiring! 3rd, check out Dane’s comment! Holy Smokes!
Great Job! You’re an inspiration!
Mike