I struggled with a rough race on Saturday, but I got a nice attitude adjustment yesterday when I desperately needed it. Normally on Mondays, I write a weekend recap filled with bad jokes. But today, I want to address some things I put in my race recap from this weekend. There were some things I want to cover from this weekend, so I’ll definitely write about that tomorrow.
In my race recap from this weekend, I complained about my time and the way I’m running. I’m struggling physically and even more than that, I’m struggling mentally.
In all of this Operation Jack stuff, I really have no clue what I’m doing with all of this. I just move forward on a daily basis, living somewhat in a vacuum. I came up with this idea of running all these marathons, but I’m not sure what to do with it. I don’t know the exact expression — something like the whole is greater than the sum of all parts — but I know the 61 is more important than any individual race. I’m competitive with myself and I dwell on my race times, and that continued again this weekend.
Now, I know it’s important to go out and give it my all every time. I owe that. But the results will be what they will be and as long as I give it my best, then I’m doing the best I can. I was pretty bitter after Saturday’s run, though, and that came through in my race report.
A good friend of mine called me up yesterday morning and chatted with me for a while after he read what I wrote. He wasn’t trying to give me a pep talk, because that’s not what I need. He was trying to help me get some perspective. He told me that some of the favorite race reports of mine he’s read are the ones where I’m an official pacer. In those, I’m helping other people achieve their goals and I’m having a completely positive experience.
He reminded me to keep my focus where it needs to be. When I started this, I knew the point of this is to help Train 4 Autism grow. It’s not about my running, because nobody really cares if my legs got sore at mile 18. Plus, while I run fairly well, I’m nowhere near spectacular or truly fast and I never will be. I took a chance that by doing something that most people would think is crazy, I could at least get them to listen to my message.
As you all know, is that I hate how my 6 1/2-year-old son Jack is severely autistic and struggles with that and I want to make a difference in his honor. I want to make things better for people. I don’t know exactly what or how, but I want to make things better. Ideally, I could somehow help tons and tons of people. Even if I just help one or two, that’s still one or two lives I made better. I know I say this all the time, but I need to remember that my goal this year is building up a charity, not lowering down my marathon times.
So that call from him came at a great time. I really needed a pick-me-up and I got it. Then, about an hour after I talked to him, I got a comment on my race report from somebody I met through him. She wrote, in part,
… I wasn’t going to share this with you ever, but today seems appropriate for it. I was a long time smoker, I mean nobody did it better than me … Seriously, I could have made a career out of it. I had tried countless times to stop, but always “gave up”. The last time I quit was after reading something you wrote. Honestly I have no idea what it was, but I remember thinking how far you had come from when we couldn’t even walk up the stairs to [our friends’] place on moving day. I thought if he can do it, I can too. I kept your picture (the black and white of you looking over your shoulder running) as my desktop wallpaper for months and looked at it every time I wanted to give up.I am still smoke free, eat healthy and am back to my daily exercise ways. So Mr. Ordinary,you may have saved my life, stop your bitching 😉
I met her years ago, and she’s very good friends with my friend and his wife, but I only started communicating with her a month ago or so. So she’s been following along with Operation Jack and using me as inspiration for a while now and I had no idea. When I realized that, it was pretty clear to me. It’s not about what Operation Jack is doing for me. It’s about what Operation Jack is doing for others. It feels a whole lot better to read something like that than it does to run a 3:10.
When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check my messages (email, text, Twitter) to see what communications came my direction while I was sleeping. This morning, the first thing I saw on Twitter, which was actually just a general message to everybody from somebody I communicate with, was “If I change just one life for the better, I’ve done my job.”
So, I get the picture. I’m doing my job, imperfectly like any human would. It was nice to get that kick in the butt yesterday and that reminder this morning. I’m where I’m supposed to be. I just need to do what I’m supposed to do.
Hooray for friends who love you enough to kick your butt every once in a while! You’re doing great things Sam.
You my friend are doing extraordinary things. I have told you before, and I once quoted it in one of the comments, “no one lives on an island”, people are watching you. People are moved by you. Yes, you are also competitive but you always need to remember there’s another side to it all.
During the relay race, some guys got upset because they went from first place to last, I tried to put it in perspective for them but they wouldn’t accept at first. I think it changed when one of the vehicles shadowing all the runners came over to them and said guys, out of all the runners, you are the one who are the most inspiring still pushing it out there. And he didn’t only say this to us, he said it to others as well.
There’s always someone who will be moved.
And I am glad some are kicking your butt and showing you who and how.
LOVED this post. We can all loose perspective in times of challenge. I’m glad to see the more positive Sam back. Don’t worry though, we won’t stray when times get tough for you. It’s just hard to see you so down. You are making a difference – keep it up, you’r an inspiration. 🙂
This was such a great post and so true, you’re changing lives every day Sam and it’s always for the better!