Back in 2001 when my first son was born, my wife spent four nights in the hospital recovering from her c-section. It was our home away from home for a little while. Over the course of four days, with tons of visitors, we accumulated a few things. When we left, we left something behind.
I don’t remember exactly what it was, but I remember going back to the hospital to get it. When I got there and small-talked with the nurses, I joked that they had forgotten to give us the owner’s manual for Benjamin. We were about a day into our new life, which was life at home taking care of a child. There was a lot of help in the hospital, but once you get home, you’re on your own. With the first child, that’s kind of scary! And I like to crack jokes, so I couldn’t resist asking for the manual, as if he was a car and there were simple instructions to take care of him.
We had no clue what we were doing, and in a way, I feel like we still don’t. We’ve taken it day-by-day from day one, adding a Jack into the recipe and then Ava. Jack’s autism has brought on even more twists and challenges for raising the other two, but we pray that we make the right decisions as we keep doing what we think is best for the kids on a daily basis.
Last week, we got a confirmation that we might be on the right track with a name Benjamin called a classmate. He was in an after-school chess program that he likes to go to. He’s actually starting to get pretty good. We’ve been playing for the past few years and he’s never come close to beating me. I rope-a-dope him, stringing out the game until bedtime and then putting the hammer down, executing a checkmate within a couple of moves.
I’m not competitive with my own son like that, but I want to challenge him so he’ll get better. Letting him win won’t help him. He finally beat me fair-and-square on Saturday. I beat him in a tight rematch, even though he accumulated two queens, but I know I need to bring my A game when I play him from now on!
Anyways, back to the name-calling. He was in an after-school chess program that he goes to every Monday. There’s another boy in there that he doesn’t get along with. Sometimes kids just don’t get along. They all have their individual personalities, and sometimes they clash. We’ve dealt with the issues between Benjamin and this child with the teacher, Tiff spoke to the mom once — it’s been an ongoing problem, one I definitely blame on the other child after last week’s incident.
I’m not sure what triggered this — from what I understand, it was something trivial and inconsequential. The boy told Benjamin, “I did your mom last night.” Benjamin was confused. So the boy continued, “Do you and your mom make babies?” Benjamin didn’t know what the boy was talking about, but he got angry and snapped.
“I don’t even know what that means, you … banana head!”
Now, I’m not totally OK with him calling other kids names. But I’m totally OK with him defending his mom. And if he must call another kid a name, let it be “banana head”! That’s the kind of thing a fourth-grader should be saying.
We still have a lot of things to work on with Benjamin. I’m sure the parents of every child in his class would say the same thing about their kids. But I’ve been pretty happy with the son we’re raising, and him calling another classmate a name confirmed my thoughts.
We never did get that owners manual, but so far, I think we’re doing OK.
Shelly Overton says
Sam, that’s a great way to show that you and Tiff are doing the right things. It’s scary to think the other child actually knows what he is saying, showing that his parents not doing such a great job. One of my worst days as a parent was when my now 23 yr old was 5 and his afterschool program said, “Um, Mrs. Armstrong (I was Armstrong back then) can we talk to you for a momoment? Your son said a word today, and while he was defending himself against some 6th grade boys, you’ll need to talk to him about the use of the ____ word. (think one of the worst words your kids could say 4 letters, starts with f). I was mortified, talked with him ask where he learned the word, got “from my Dad”. His punishment was he had to tell his dad what he said, then we made a deal, if you don’t know what the word means you can’t say it and to this day, while he (and the others) might know what the word means I rarely hear it. And let me tell you the work is never done….Happy Tuesday!
Ally Phillips says
You and Tiff are doing a great job and are great parents! Glad that Benjamin called him a banana head 😉
Erin F says
Gah! Kids these days?! But I’m glad Ben busted out the banana head comeback. Nothin’ worse than being called a banana head!