Oh my wow. Back in the spring, my wife Tiffany told me she wanted to go back to California for her good friend Wendy’s 40th birthday. I told her sure, no problem. I’d take care of the kids for a weekend. Now, I know it sounds like no big deal to do what a dad is supposed to do and take care of his kids, but my kids are more difficult than average. First, there’s Jack, who’s 9 years old and severely autistic. Still in diapers. Not really talking. Frequent self-injurious behavior. Likes to wake up in the middle of the night like a newborn, but he doesn’t go back to sleep. He’s tough.
Side note: Speaking of Jack, if you don’t know why this site is called Operation Jack, I implore you to CLICK HERE!
Then I’ve got my son Benjamin (11) and my daughter Ava (less than a month from 7). They’re pretty typical. They play. They fight. They make a mess. They listen sometimes. And they’re good at living with the challenges we have with Jack.
Anyways, I’ve never taken care of them for three straight days before. Well, I have, but I’ve had help. Back when we lived in California, I got help from my in-laws and my parents. But we’re in Colorado now. I have no problem taking care of the kids and letting Tiff have a break. But Tiff is a stay-at-home mom and is so much better at this than I am. And Jack is so challenging that three days chasing after him is incredibly intimidating. I told Tiff way back when that she could go back to California, not really sure if she’d ever take the trip. I wasn’t convinced that she was actually leaving until she drove off to the airport. Or really, until she got on the plane. But she did. And then it was me vs. the kids.
Mentally, I blocked out everything for the weekend. Didn’t need to get any work done, didn’t need to run any errands, didn’t need to exercise. It was all about the kids. I was determined to come out alive. I was determined for them to come out alive, too. Well at least two of them.
We got through Friday in one piece. Jack had an in-home therapy session, I cooked lunch (grilled cheese!), dinner (bean burritos!), gave Jack a bath and Ava a shower and went to Target and did the dishes and made the bed and gave Jack all of his supplements and probably did some other stuff but and by about 9:30 p.m., I finally had some me time! I had no desire to cook something for myself at that point so I think I had chips and ice cream for dinner. I was going to go to sleep by 10, but the Cardinals-Nationals game was pretty exciting. And then I talked to Tiff on the phone about some things going on with Jack’s school. Next thing I knew, it was just before midnight and I finally caught some shut-eye.
At 1:15, I got some open-eye. Jack has a tooth coming in and it was causing him quite a bit of pain. He was crying pretty bad, punching himself in the head, not going back to sleep. Fairly standard stuff for him lately. At 4:45, I finally got back to sleep. Ava was up at 7:15. So night one, 3 hours and 45 minutes of interrupted sleep. But nothing a pot of coffee couldn’t temporarily fix.
Saturday Jack had an in-home therapy session for a couple of hours and we had a couple of hours of help from one of the girls we have who helps us with Jack. Or maybe in the reverse order. I was tired. Foggy memory. I prepped breakfast. Made lunch. Got Ava ready for a birthday party. Gave Jack his supplements. Did dishes. Did some more dishes. Tried to keep things straightened as much as possible around the house (not really possible with the kids, of course). Oh wait, I didn’t make lunch. I bought pizza. It’s all the same, though.
While we had help, I was able to catch a little bit of the K-State-Iowa State game. Not a lot. We won, though. Took Ava to a birthday party. Killed time with Jack at Target. He got some popcorn and we went cruising around the aisles for a while. He was happy.
I picked up Ava, got home, then all of a sudden it was time for dinner (spinach raviolis), baths and showers, supplements, treats, dishes, straightening, and I don’t remember what else. I got the kids in bed, another long day down. No deaths. At maybe 9 p.m. or so I came downstairs for dinner and to watch the end of the South Carolina-LSU game but didn’t feel like cooking. So I had chips and ice cream instead. Got to bed at about 10:30 and while Jack woke up at 3:15, we were all asleep again by 3:45. And I didn’t get up until … 7:30! Well-rested for the final day of this epic battle! No deaths yet!
And it was Sunday. MOMMY’S COMING HOME TONIGHT!!! Breakfast, supplements, potty breaks for Jack every 30 minutes like I’d been doing all weekend. Got the kids dressed for church, dropped them all off at their rooms and I had myself an hour! Ahhhh!!! Then we left and went back home. We had one of our helpers there from 12:30 – 2:30. I thought that would give me a chance to take a break, but that actually gave me a chance to make lunch (quesadillas!), do dishes, straighten up, start some laundry and do some other things, although I don’t really remember what. I do know I sat down for 10 minutes and watched football while I ate my lunch. Oh what a long, relaxing break!
But then our helper left. And it was the final stretch. One last time block to kill. I made a big decision, staring at the clock, deciding to go for broke. I got the kids ready, loaded up a backpack and headed down to the zoo (yay for season passes!). Me and Tiff don’t like going without help, because you never know what’s going to happen. Will Ben and Ava fight and get out of control? (YES! Always!) Will Jack have a horrendous meltdown? (YES! Always!) Will Dad make a break for it and jump into the lions’ den? (One of these days!)
But I knew (hoped?) they’d have fun. I thought (prayed) I could handle it. It would be a great way to kill time. And no way in the world was I going to tell Tiff! She would have freaked out, so I didn’t tell her. But I knew I could do this. We left the house at 3:15, got to the zoo at 3:45 and it closed at 5. We walked around fairly quickly, not spending too much time at any one stop, preventing Jack from getting bored. No meltdowns, no fighting. Everything was awesome. We made a full lap around the zoo and it was about 4:55 and the end was in sight. I was looking at a car ride, dinner, baths, bed and free at last!
It couldn’t be that easy, though. Jack was carrying a red lego and a blue lego. We were over by the flamingos and he looked for a minute and then I gave him a little tug to let him know it was time to go. But he wasn’t budging. In his muffled voice, he said, “I want red lego” and I looked down and saw it in the pond, out of reach. Oh great, here we go. No way I could get it. This is where the script goes bad.
I tried to redirect him and immediately pulled his iTouch out of my pocket. He loves that thing. Apparently not as much as his red lego, though. I put the padded helmet on him and tried to cut our losses and just start pushing towards the car. But he wasn’t having any part of it. Instant meltdown. Very upset. I tried to keep him going, but he logged his legs and I didn’t want to drag him. Not good.
He was starting to get really loud and he threw his blue lego. I frantically told Ben to get the blue lego and knew I had to get the red lego. This is where the zoo idea was going bad in a hurry. We were causing a scene. We were those people. Ugggghhh. I went back to the pond with Jack. Ben and Ava were very cooperative. I told Ben to hold Jack’s hand while I tried to get the red lego. It was too far out, but I grabbed on to the wooden railing and held on as well as I could. My face was going down towards the water and my legs were going up in the air. I guess my legs were at 11 o’clock and my head was at 5 o’clock.
This was not good. I felt like I was slipping and I couldn’t reach the lego. I reached my fingers into the water and made a small current to try to get the lego to float back. It did, and I was eventually able to reach. I got the lego and gave it to Jack. He calmed down pretty quickly. The day at the zoo was definitely over.
We drove back, filled up Tiff’s Suburban with gas, then got home for good. Dinner (pasta with marinara and garlic bread), showers, baths, supplements, all that kind of stuff. Eventually, the kids went to bed. Game over. Dad wins. No deaths. I did the dishes, folded some laundry, made the coffee for Monday morning and at about 9 p.m., I finally had a chance to relax. This time, though, I made myself dinner. I deserved that. I had a bean burrito. With Tapatio. Plus chips. And ice cream.
I earned it.
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