Operation Jack is a double-edged sword for me. Ask anybody who really knows me and they’ll confirm I’m a shy person. But I need to get as much attention as possible to benefit the cause. I shy away from compliments and I really get upset about criticism. This is going to be a tough year from me. I’ve been expecting negative feedback. I just didn’t know what it would be. And I didn’t think it would come this soon.
On Monday, the Orange County Register posted a video about Operation Jack. I was excited and I posted it on my Facebook wall for everybody to see. (Side note: Check out the article that’s running in the Register on the front page today!) Anyways, a friend of mine re-posted the video on his wall, and then somebody posted the following comment:
I wonder what positive experiences could have happened with Jack in 2010…. when his Dad could have worked hand in hand with his Autistic son instead of all of the hours running the marathons. Sixty is off the wall!
I don’t know if a lot of people share these thoughts, so I figured I’d address this.
There’s no question that this is going to be a difficult endeavor. That’s the nature of the beast and that’s why so many people are jumping on the bandwagon, wanting to join me to make a difference. But I’m not taking extended vacations. My trips are going to be as quick as possible.
I’ll be gone for about 26 hours this weekend when I run in Phoenix. When I go to Miami later this month, I’m leaving on a Saturday and coming back on a Sunday. Next weekend, I’m running a double locally and I’ll be home by lunch time both days. I’m sure there are golfing dads who will spend less time at home next weekend.
I drive Jack to school Monday through Friday. I always work with him on his language when I drop him off. My weeknights are the same with him as they were last year. His weekend routine won’t change at all.
Over the course of the year, there are a few times the family will come along and some races where I’ll get to stay home. I’m estimating I won’t be staying with my family about 35 nights this year. If you do the math, that’s about 3 nights a month. I’m guessing there are plenty of businessmen with autistic children who spend more nights out of town for work. At my last job I spent about 20 nights a year on the road. The 60-marathons thing sounds crazy, but it’s not like I’m taking week-long trips to each city, spending a year on vacation. These are quick trips and I won’t be away from my family any more than necessary.
There are several factors working together to help Jack develop. He’s in special ed at school, he has in-home therapy, we have him on the diet he needs and our home is set up to provide an environment that fosters progress. There’s no question Operation Jack will be difficult for us. But there is no way I would do something that would set my kids back. We’re taking steps to make this positive and memorable for our other two children.
And another big thing in all of this: I met a man named Mark Westaway in August at a resource fair. Mark owns a business called Advanced Hyperbarics and to support what I’m doing, he offered me and Jack complimentary sessions in his hyperbaric chambers. The sessions help me with my recovery from my runs, and that’s great. But the biggest benefit of the sessions is that over time, they help bring out language from Jack. We’ve been going for several months now, and we’re really starting to see progress. We have a session tonight and again on Saturday morning before I go to the airport.
Sessions at the hyperbaric chamber were always the first thing on our “win the lottery” list. We’re on a crazy-tight budget. We can’t even afford lottery tickets. Yet we won the lottery! During my double over the weekend, at mile 15 of the second marathon my legs were starting to get heavy and I wasn’t enjoying the pain. But I was thinking about Jack and what he goes through. And I knew that Tiff was taking him up for a session later that day. As his father, it made me happy to feel that pain and know that my reward for that was the session for Jack.
We’re hoping that wonderful things happen with Operation Jack. We’re doing great, and I’m really optimistic that we’re going to plant seeds that help develop major long-term growth for Train 4 Autism. That’s what I’m focused on. But if nothing else, Jack gets the benefit of the hyperbaric chamber sessions. I’ll gladly run my legs into the ground for that.
I wonder what positive experiences could have happened with Jack in 2010…. when his Dad could have worked hand in hand with his Autistic son instead of all of the hours running the marathons. Sixty is off the wall!
Jack will be just fine. He’ll actually be better off. Nobody cares about my family as much as my wife and I and nobody means more to us than our kids. Please don’t worry about how Operation Jack will impact our family. We stick together and we’re going to be fine.
Katie Abdolhosseini says
It’s always easy to pass judgement, especially from afar and on something as so impersonal as FaceBook. Don’t ever question what you are doing, I know you wouldn’t do it if you had the slightest doubt it would impact Jack in a negative way. You are right, there are going to be nay-sayers, but stay strong, you are making a difference. Good luck this week, you are all in my thoughts ๐
Deirdre Edwards says
Ugh…this person has no clue, very easy for them to judge when they don’t know anything at all. You have no reason or need to defend what you are doing. Stay strong!
Jamie Fellrath says
Katie is dead on. And as you pointed out, doing Operation Jack has opened up your world to opportunities like the Hyperbaric chamber. I can’t help but believe that it’s not going to open you up to more.
You don’t need to be a helicopter parent to be a good parent. I’d argue that parents who let their kids experience things (such as travel, meeting people, and opening them up to new opportunities) are the better parents than the ones who expect to shelter their kids from the world.
Keep it up. Don’t ignore the critics, but don’t let them get to you either. You’re doing a wonderful thing and you’ve brought together a great community of people who support you and each other!
David Malone says
Hey, Sam! First, a huge congratulations on getting the first three (and the first double) out of the way. I can see already that I’ll be holding my breath every weekend waiting for the successful outcome.
Second, though… I can see why someone might have that thought. There appears to be a trade-off – personal attention to Jack with no distractions v. sacrificing some of the time you spend with him and your wife in an effort to raise awareness (and money) in the fight against autism. If I have one criticism of the post by that person, it isn’t raising the question – it’s a fair question – rather, it’s being critical in an unbalanced way (i.e., not recognizing the benefit your efforts will have for the cause.)
I believe, as I suspect most people who know you do, that what you are doing is really rather selfless. It would be far easier for you to abandon running altogether rather than taking on this challenge.
Again, good luck. Only 57 to go… ๐
David
Chris Stores says
Don’t worry about idiots like the one who posted that comment. I see it all the time in the local paper, in their section called “My Two Cents” where people basically just bitch and moan and spout off about things that they really have no clue about. Until that person has spent a day or a week or a month with you and your family, they have no right to criticize you and how you go about helping Jack. Good luck in Phoenix this weekend!
Glenn Jones says
Touche Sam. Well said! It’s never easy doing something new. It’s always easy to criticize those who try….
Lestina Smith says
I agree, please don’t feel you have to justify anything to anyone. You know your family and I am sure they will let you know when there is a strain. I commend what you are doing and hope to be there to support you when you are in Md and VA.Keep it up and know that you have more praise then critics on a daily from the people that matters most in this situation.*standing ovation*
Melissa Hose says
I absolutely agree with everyone below. We both know that fighting the uphill battle that is Autism is not something that came with a map. It is very easy to be on the outside looking in when it isn’t your child. As a fellow parent with a child on the spectrum, I think that what you’re doing is selfless, admirable and amazing to me. Keep up the good fight, Sam, and I would personally say to ignore the critics. If they have so much to say, then perhaps they should be using that energy to work on a cause of their own. Don’t ever feel like you have to explain what you’re doing. Turn up your ipod and phase out the static. ๐
Ally Phillips says
Well, at least this guy has an opinion about it–maybe he’ll tell people about it and THEY will want to get involved in a positive way–you never know. But, either way, we know that what you’re doing is benefitting your family and families all over! You’re family can be proud of what you’re doing and while I’m sure this year will be taxing for everyone, I also think that this will be a great year for you and your family. Don’t worry about the critics (I know, easier said than done)–we’re all supporting you!
Brian Thompson says
What you are doing for Jack (and for all those on the ASD spectrum) is far greater than this one knuckle-head will ever understand. Your friends and those who regually read your blog know of your love and dedication to your family. Stay strong Sam – we’re amazed by your efforts and we’re with you all the way!
Sherry Pratt says
Hey Sam, You are doing the right thing for sure. Let those negative comments roll off your back and keep looking forward. Don\’t waste any positive energy on thinking about what that person said, who is clueless. I pray for you every day that you will bring lots of awareness to autism and that you will stay strong.
Emil Cheng says
Here’s a small portion of a quote that I’ve read on another blog: The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind. Think big anyway.
Go Sam Go!
Marilyn Long says
Sam, You were a journalism major so you know that “controversial sound bites” sell. This person is a jerk. Stay on track and don’t be too hard on yourself. If you do 30 good runs for Jack that will be a major accomplishment. Love, Your Cousin Marilyn Long
Erin Ruff says
Well written Sam. I hope that bonehead reads this post and will now understand!
Jen Morgan says
I concur with everyone else, what you are doing is amazing and people who don’t understand will always pass judgement. Exceptional people do exceptional things and you are not exception to that. What you’re doing is going to bring Autism awareness to new heights and hopefully help more than just Jack progress… nix that… you WILL help many children progress by this! Stay strong Sam and know that we are all behind you! (Literally… I’d never catch you!) ๐
Allison Morris says
You and your family are the only ones who know what is best for you. Don\’t for one second let any of these outside comments from strangers deter you from what you are doing. You have inspired me to run my first marathon this year, you are supporting your son and Autism in a major way, and you know what your family and your body are capable of. No one else knows, and therefore, their opinions shouldn’t affect you.
Erin Fortin says
Don’t let the hata’s stop you from doin’ yo thang! Your love and dedication to Jack and your family should never be in question – it’s pretty darn clear how much you love them. Good luck, have fun, and kick butt this weekend!
Rachel Boyd says
Too many people waste their efforts on judging other people without thinking and without knowing all the facts; the guy and those like him should redirect their energy into analying their own lives. Your response is very well-writte and dead-on; you are a more devoted father than anyone I’ve met and your family is very tightly knit…something most people can only long to have.
You are doing an awesome thing and there will be critics along the way who don’t get what you are doing; they are not worth your energy.
Todd Rose says
I’m glad that person wrote that negative comment Sam. It prompted you to write this blog which in turn gave me (and others) a greater insight into Operation Jack, your home life, your hectic schedule, and your obvious dedication to your family. So I thank that person. Keep up the good work!
Eric Raines says
If I may offer a bit of perspective as well… and let me be upfront in saying I wholeheartedly support Sam and what he is attempting to do through OJ.
The person who made this comment made no personal attack against Sam, but merely questioned the benefits of what running 60 marathons could do versus the time which could be spent with Jack.
In the stream of comments below, the words there is a fairly apparent theme: being judgmental.
This comes in two facets: there are several posts where people point out it isn’t one’s place to judge and yet we find several people (ironically including some of those who chastised the judging of the commenter) who are in turn juding the commenter.
Based off of her one question, she was referred to as “has no clue”, “idiot”, “knucklehead”, “clueless”, “small minded”, “jerk”, “bonehead”, and “not worth your energy”.
So while the supporters of OJ obviously share a different perspective than the woman who made the referenced comment, the ease with which we judge is also clearly displayed here.
Pot, beware the kettle.
Todd Zankich says
Months ago, the thought had crossed my mind that you might possibly be missing out on important family time by doing this. But I never mentioned it because upon considering it, it was immediately obvious that you already had realized it and taken precautions to avoid it. Some random Facebooker would have no way to know that. Anyway, from what I can tell, your family is closer and stronger than most, and physical distance will not affect that.
D. Scott Fritchen says
I smell a book in your future, bro. ๐
Awesome entry as always. Best wishes.
57 to go! Amazing.
Ben Fesagaiga says
Sam,
I can empathize with what you are feeling. When founding Train 4 Autism I was confronted by this very same thing- and from very close family members and some friends as well. Some actually accused me of making this about ME rather than my daughter, or about the autism community as a whole.
I did a lot of soul searching, it shook me to my core. It made me question my motives. It still does. But I think it has actually helped me personally. It reminded me that it is NOT about me, the countless hours, thousands of emails, the hundreds of phone calls, teleconferences, doors slammed in the face, 4Am wake up on Saturday to set up a T4A booth at an expo 10 people stopped by in 8 hours & then apologize to someone who wrote a complaint that we didn’t have any free stuff like the other booths. No,….it’s not about me, its about something a lot bigger than me. I believe that it is the same for you.
If I had stopped because I didn’t want to be accused of making it about myself , or when someone threw out some criticism, I wouldn’t have met all the beautiful parents and children and experienced their stories and victories. I wouldn’t have met Asian Renning, Chris Fales, Brian Thompson, Ben Davison, Shelly Overton, or Sam Felsenfeld. All beautiful people with beautiful families and inspiring stories. I wouldn’t have started Train 4 Autism, we wouldn’t have grown to 31 chapters in 27 states, we wouldn’t have raised nearly 70K in the last 2 years to benefit TACA, Autism Speaks, USAAA, NAA, ASA, LAFEAT, and 24 other autism charities.
Keep up the good work. I commend you for the courage to follow your heart and I know that your heart is definitely in the right place.
Your friend- ben
Melissa G says
I am counting to 10 *very* slowly before I comment because there is little that irks me more than people who make ignorant comments about things they can’t comprehend. Hundreds of people who have never met you know what you and your wife do for Jack, because we read your blogs and tweets. Do not doubt yourself for a second! I have heard of many parents whose children are diagnosed with autism and yet do nothing for them. Nothing. But you and your wife are doing the polar opposite. Besides, there are lots of parents of children with special needs who spend massive amounts of time away from their children, my own husband included. I don’t know you irl, but I would wager that you are, in fact, a great parent to Jack. You clearly adore your family, and that’s what is most important.