Last Friday, I had the talk with my 9-year-old son Benjamin. It was awkward to start the conversation, it was something I dreaded, but all-in-all, it went over well. He was very receptive, he handled it maturely, he asked some questions and I gave him some straightforward responses. I was impressed with how well he handled it.
It wasn’t that talk, though. It was the talk where I told him we can’t afford tae-kwon-do for him any more. It was a bummer, because he loved it so much. But tae-kwon-do cost us close to $2,000 last year. By comparison, soccer costs $125. This is one of those times that the recession hits home for us, when we can’t do something we want to do. He really loved it, walking around, practicing his kicks, showing off his moves to his little sister.
Tiff and I weren’t thrilled with the program. We felt like they promoted belts based on time served, not on merit, and the “testing” was a cash cow for them. We didn’t see the discipline benefits we expected. For something we couldn’t afford, we found it pretty underwhelming.
When the renewal notice came, we knew we were going to just let his year quietly end. We didn’t tell him our thoughts on the program. But Tiff told me I had to have a talk with with him, because he was pretty upset and in tears when he found out he wouldn’t be going any more. It killed me to tell him, because I knew how much he enjoyed it and I felt like a loser dad for not being able to provide that for my son.
I explained to him that the economy has been bad over the past few years. Costs for everything have increased quite a bit, but salaries haven’t. He understood that. I also told him that when he was born, his mother and I made a decision that she would stay home and take care of the kids, but in doing so, we knew we wouldn’t have as much money.
He’s never been in day care and he’s always been able to hang out with his mom after school in the comfort of his own home. We don’t have much choice now with Jack’s routines, but that’s a subject for a different blog. There’s no right answer when it comes to choosing what’s more important for a 9-year-old โ mommy being home after school or loads of activities. But we made our choice โ one of the most critical decisions we’d ever make โ and we moved forward by doing the best we could.
So anyways, much to my surprise, he took it really well. He understood my explanation of our tight finances and was happy that Tiff has been home with him all these years. When I gave him the math on the costs of tae-kwon-do vs. other things he likes (soccer, basketball), he very calmly told me, “I understand. I think the smart thing for me to do is to quit tae-kwon-do.” Not that he had a choice, but wow was I impressed to hear him tell me that!
I braced for a fight when I started the talk, but I got a very reasonable response from him. I was pretty impressed with how my little acted so mature about the situation. He’s far from perfect and we have our work cut out for us, but so far, we’re pretty happy with how he’s turning out.
Now, if only the talk (yes, that talk) could go this smooth and easy!
@running2bfit says
Great post…you must be very proud of your son ๐ Most adults would not have responded so maturely or reasonably!
Mike@Squirrelhead says
His behavior and understanding of the situation are very impressive. You have every reason in the world to be proud of him and yourself since you raised him.