Time drags on forever when you’re waiting on something โ that extra day before your magazine comes in the mail, 15 extra minutes that you stand there waiting for your ride to pick you up, an hour sitting on the plane waiting for your delayed takeoff. Well yesterday, I finally got something I’d been waiting six years, four months and 16 days for … a hug from Jack!
I had already given him a kiss goodnight and I was downstairs making a phone call for work. As I sat there waiting on hold (those 10 minutes seemed like forever, too!), Tiff called me upstairs because I needed to see something. At bedtime, one of us typically lays next to Jack in his bed for five or 10 minutes, scratching his back or arms as he relaxes before going to bed. Well, last night, he put his arm around her up by her neck to hug her and wouldn’t let go. She wanted me to rush upstairs to see that, because he’s NEVER done that.
I got up to his room, and she wanted him to give her another hug, but he didn’t. After about a minute, though, he spontaneously looked at her and said “mommy”! He doesn’t do that. Ever. Tiff got pretty excited, and about 15 seconds later he looked over in my direction and said “daddy”! And no, he doesn’t ever do that, either!
We were completely shocked, in a good way. We know there’s something going on in there, and when something comes out, it’s exciting. We still look forward to the day that he talks with us and tells us what he’s thinking and interacts with us, Ben and Ava.
He wasn’t really giving Tiff a hug again, but I believed it. He wasn’t really letting her get up, so she asked him what he wanted. When we prompt him with “what do you want?” we usually get a muffled answer that helps us know what he wants. He’ll say “drink”,”chip”,”cookie”,”push play” and a few other things like that in his cute, muffled voice.
But last night, in response to the question, he said “I want Daddy”! As you can probably guess, that was the first time that ever happened, too. He didn’t have to ask twice. I went over to give him a hug, but he beat me to the punch, giving me the same neck-lock he gave Tiff a few minutes earlier. And he wouldn’t let go. He was giving me kisses and pulling me tight enough to bend my glasses a little bit. All the while, I still had the phone on hold, prepared to hang up if I actually got to a live person at that time.
That was the first hug I’ve ever gotten from him. It’s pretty hard to explain what it’s like to have virtually no emotional interaction from your child towards you for six years, but I’ve become pretty numb to it all. We’ve known that there are plenty of thoughts going on inside his head, but it’s really encouraging to see things like this. We know better days are ahead, and with signs like this, we’re still optimistic that they’re not too far off.
After a few minutes, he let go to go to sleep and I went downstairs, still listening to the hold music on my phone call. After a few minutes, I finally spoke to someone and resolved my issue. For once, I wasn’t bothered while waiting a few extra minutes.
Jamie Fellrath says
Holy smokes. Seeing the little breakthroughs every once in a while is a good, motivational thing. Seeing the BIG ONES like this has got to be a little overwhelming.
Whatever you’re doing for him, keep doing it. It’s obviously working. And anyone who says that autistic kids are distant and don’t feel emotions like the rest of us, let this be your moment to eat some crow. Those emotions are in there, they just don’t know how to handle them. Looks like Jack figured out how to handle the most important one! ๐
Jen Morgan says
I have goosebumps! Thanks for sharing this moment with us. This is why we’re all here so that breakthroughs like this don’t have to be so long in the making! How special last night was for you and your wife. I’m so happy for you Sam and I pray that you have many more nights like last night in the future. <3
Tiffany Felsenfeld says
Again, a blog of yours made me cry…darn you! I wanted to add, before Sam made it upstairs, Jack had said,”I want hug” at least five times while pulling on my neck. When he said,”Mommy, Daddy”, I was so excited, I started to cry. When you have a special-needs child, you definitely do not take any achievement for granted. Those of you with special-need children can understand. Aahh, last night just totally made my whole year, and we’re only in February! I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year brings!
Katie Abdolhosseini says
Wow, just wow! I’m whiping away tears as we speak…I’m so happy for you, Tiffany and Jack. The first thing that came to mind as I read this was that it sounds like the hyperbaric chamber might be working! Yay! And, of course, all the hard work you and all of his caregivers do day in and day out. Just amazing.
Have a wonderful day! Thank you so much for sharing, I’m going to carry this with me all day.
Deirdre Edwards says
What a beautiful story, good thing I didn’t put my mascara on yet! So happy for you guys.
Ally Phillips says
How exciting!!! Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience. That’s just amazing and so great. I bet y’all are just beaming today!
Sally Boles says
Sam and Tiff, I am crying tears of happiness right now! This is such an awesome event for both of you. I am so happy for you! Thank you for sharing and I look forward to hearing more successes in the future. Keep up the great job you are both doing raising your family. Happy Running, Sallyso happy for both of you. I am sitting here reading this awesome event and crying. I am so happy for all of you.
Melissa G says
Praise God! What an awesome gift that moment was in your lives. And you were there! No more worries about “what if” and whether you’re doing the right thing with OJ. ๐ I also completely agree with your lovely wife. People who don’t have special needs kids take so much for granted. As difficult as things are a lot of the time, on days like these, I think we are the lucky parents.
Laura Sullivan says
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that’s all I can say to that…
RuthE Levy says
What a great gift Jack has given you, and all of us. After that, nothing can match. Happy Valentine’s Day and every other occasion, for that matter! Thank you Jack for this great gift! Love from Baba Wuff
Erin Ruff says
Wow! Thanks for sharing. Like Tiff said I , too, can’t wait to see what the rest of the year brings!
Shelly Overton says
There’s nothing finer than that! I’m sitting at my new job and reading this and feel so wonderful you both. We know at our house to get a hug from Dani means something special and more and more it happens lately. At the T4A dinner, she hugged Molly and that was the first time she met her, which is pretty rare.
Again. WOW! What a day!
Rachel Boyd says
That is so amazing; just reading about it I got chills and started crying. I don’t know if it’s the hyperbaric chamber or what, but anytime you are struggling this year I know you can think about that possibility and rest assured that everything you are doing is worth it and will pay off in so many ways. Tiffany- I can’t imagine how awesome that must have felt…he gave you a gift for right now but one that you can recall on the tougher days.
Jake Rome says
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Ben Fesagaiga says
๐ Beautiful
Desiree Atkin says
This is so touching, thank you so much for sharing with us.
I don’t know what it is like to have a child with special needs, because I don’t have any children yet, but I do know how indescribable it was the day my nephew looked at me and said auntie so I can only imagine how wonderful this must have been for you both. Good job Jack!! Keep up the great work.
Alicia Verburg says
Beautiful moment. Thanks for sharing. As a mother of an (almost) 8 yr old boy with autism, I can say that I totally relate to the excitement of those little breakthroughs. Special, special, special moment! Makes it all worth it. So happy for you guys and totally inspired by your journey. I want to get involved with Train 4 Autism but not sure where to start. What can I do?
Alicia Verburg says
What a beautiful moment. Thanks for sharing. I’m a mom to an (almost) 8 yr old boy with autism. He’s amazing in so many ways and I love him so much it hurts. He has a hard time expressing his love for me, though, but that’s ok because, like your little Jack, he’s learning and loving me in his own way, giving me subtle “glimpses” into his soul. What more can I ask?! Again, thanks for sharing. I’d love to get involved with Operation Jack. Where do I start?