I’m going to talk about how we found out Jack has autism, but first, I need to clear up something. If you read my blog regularly, you know I’m always on an emotional roller coaster. Normally, it’s a pretty good ride, but not always. I had my latest throw-in-the-towel thoughts yesterday, but I’m over that now. I’m done throwing a pity party for myself. I wasn’t seeking feedback, but I got plenty of it and I’m grateful for it because it was very reassuring. And really, with the first race on the schedule one month from today, it needs to be all or nothing at this point. And I’m voting for all.

I really don’t like being this way with you guys, but I am who I am and I’m not going to fake it in my blog. Tiff got a little mad with me over the weekend because for about the fourth time in the past five months, I’ve waffled on whether or not I should do this. So please, forgive me for my incessant whining. You guys are my biggest supporters and I appreciate your enthusiasm. I’ll just start counting down the days until go-time. We’re at 31 now and I’m looking forward to meeting as many of you as possible next year when I run 60 marathons to try to build awareness and raise money for Train 4 Autism.

Anyways, yesterday, one of my loyal readers, Erin Fortin, asked me to blog about how we found out Jack had autism. No problem. Thanks for giving me a topic!

When Jack was younger and we took him for his well check-ups, he was behind on all the age charts. When he was 18 months old, we had him evaluated by specialists per a recommendation from our pediatrician. He was at the 6-month level for speech, which was an eye opener. So, he immediately qualified for in-home early intervention services. I wasn’t particularly concerned. Our oldest son was slow with his speech and speech therapy fixed him right up. It would be the same thing with Jack. Or so I thought.

He’s had therapy at least four days a week for 2+ hours a day since before his second birthday. When we was about 2 1/2, I remember coming home from work one day and I was in a hurry to rush out to a ballgame, but Tiff looked very concerned and told me she needed to talk to me. I was wondering what foolish purchase she’d made. But what she told me was something that was beyond surreal. She told me that the woman who ran the agency that was providing the services really thought that he had autism.

Well, I instantly went into denial. I have an uncle who’s severely autistic and there was no way I was going to have a son like my uncle. That wouldn’t happen to “me”. Surely he was just behind on his speech and he’d get there. But Tiff gave me a pretty good rundown about the reasoning and it all made sense.

You know that feeling you have when somebody dies and you know that there’s absolutely nothing that you can do to undo that? I felt that way about Jack’s autism very quickly, maybe even that day. I’m not comparing autism to death, and it’s treatable, but what’s done is done. I knew right then that this would be something Tiff and I would be working with for the rest of our lives. At the beginning I was optimistic that he would fight through it and mainstream, but that optimism has a carbon half-life and it fades by the day.

On November 7, 2006, about six months after that day that Tiff talked to me, we finally got Jack in to see a pediatric neurologist. Yeah, nobody wants to take their kid to see a pediatric neurologist. But we wanted to get a diagnosis just to confirm. He was 3, not anywhere near talking, and clearly in his own world. I really don’t think he knew who we were at that point.

The neurologist was very, very cold and unfriendly. She did her observation, left the room for about 15 minutes and told us to clean up the mess Jack made, then came back in and asked us what we’d been told. We told her we’d been told that he probably had autism. She asked us if we had any reason to doubt that. No, we didn’t, but we wanted confirmation. She asked us why we were expecting to hear anything different, and told us that yes, he was autistic. The adjective she used was “severely.”

That doctor is very, very reputable in the autism community, but I don’t think she could have been any colder to us that day. Maybe it’s no big deal to her since she probably diagnoses 20+ kids per week. I thought she could have shown a little more compassion, though. I’ll never forget that visit. I didn’t think Jack was actually severe, but the more time has gone by, the more I realize she was right. He’s 6 now, not truly talking, still in diapers, still way behind. He rated lower than a 1-year-old on certain things he was tested on recently in school.

So Erin, that’s how we found out Jack has autism. He’s a cute little guy, super sweet and very nice. I hope we end up taking the family trip out to Cleveland so you can meet him.

That’s all I have for today. If anybody else has any blog ideas questions for me, don’t hesitate to let me know! Have a great Tuesday!

I launched Operation Jack in July because I wanted to give it six months before it started to see how it would go. If I was confident with how things were going, or even somewhat close to confident or optimistic that things would be OK, then it would be all systems go. But if all signs pointed towards failure, I’d just call it off and run off into the distance with my tail between my legs. One thing I forgot to think about was how I’d call it off if that seemed like the smart thing to to.

I’m not writing this to solicit any kind of pick-me-ups or anything like that. I’ve gotten plenty of that over the past five months and I haven’t even done anything. I’m just writing about what’s on my mind right now. Today, I’m thinking that’s the purpose of my blog, and there’s no reason to sit here and fake a smile. I try my best to stay positive, but I’m human, which means I’m far from perfect.

If I took all the emotion out of this, this would be the time where I walk away. Things aren’t going anywhere near where I’d hoped they would be at this point. I hate talking about money, because this isn’t all about money — it’s about trying to help Train 4 Autism grow. But the reality is that it takes money to make this happen and it’s something I can’t ignore.

I wanted to raise a lot of money for charity, and I wasn’t worried about it heading in. I set up a foundation that would help cover the expenses and everything extra would go straight to Train 4 Autism. But it’s not working the way I thought it would, and to be blunt, I’m terrible at fundraising. I’m thoroughly convinced at this point that I way overestimated how much I’d be able to raise, so I’m looking at three options.

1. Back out. Call it off now. This was part of plan, to call it off before it started if it looked like a no-go. That’s kind of what it’s looking like. We still have all the money we’ve received from donations, and I’d return it all in a heartbeat. I’m not keeping any donations for something I’m not doing. I’ll be out for some things I’ve fronted for, but whatever … life.

2. Go forward, do everything I can to raise money, try to come close to costs. I really have a problem with this, because I want money raised to go to charity. I don’t want it all going towards airline tickets and entry fees. If that happens, what’s the point of it all? Push and push for a year and leave my family every week to raise money to participate in races but raise no money for autism charities? That would be pointless.

3. Go forward, contribute everything I can from what I raise to autism charities. That would be a huge bath we’d be taking. We’re not one of those families with a ton of savings and this will just cost us our vacation budget for the next couple of years. This is pretty much not a realistic option.

And really, in this economy, I should have known better. It’s a terrible time. We’re all feeling it. I think I got too excited. Now, I’m about as stressed and worried as I was excited. I don’t think I’ll really back out. I think I’ll probably scratch and claw my way through it and come out of the year realizing it wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be. But I really feel terrible and selfish to be going through this and trying to raise money knowing that there’s a good chance it’s not going to do much good.

Whatever. It’s all out of my control anyways. I have the ability to make my own decisions, but I don’t have any control over what is going to happen. I know I shouldn’t stress, because that’s showing a lack of faith, and I know better. But this is what’s on my mind, and since it’s my blog, that’s what I’m writing about today.

I feel like I made a decision to try this, and by not protecting my family with an exit plan, I set us up for this. I’ve got four people who depend on me and it really kills me to let them down. So, I have a big decision to make on this and it’s going to come down to the input I get from three people. Whatever I end up doing will be the lesser of three evils.

Running Update
I had a great run on November 21. I went 26.75 miles at a 7:56/mile pace, which is about a minute/mile better than when I did my first 26.2+ run after coming back from my sprained ankle. For a training run, it was right where I wanted to be and I felt like I was back.

And then, I didn’t want to run any more. I took the next day off for my birthday, and in the past 8 days, including today, I’ve gotten up to run every single day. I’ve gotten dressed and ready to run every single day. Three times I’ve gone running, including yesterday’s 2.38-mile debacle of a turnaround. Throw in a 14.1-miler and an 18-miler and that makes about 34.5 miles in the past nine days. I was going to run this morning, but I didn’t.

If not for Operation Jack, I could absolutely give up running for an extended period of time right now. I don’t have it in me and the only thing keeping me from totally walking away from it for a while is Operation Jack. So, I guess you could say I’m in somewhat of a funk. Ahh, the joys …

T-Shirts Are Available, If You So Desire
Well, I have t-shirts now. They finally came in. Kind of awkward to go from everything else I’ve been talking about straight into pitching shirts, but does anybody want one? We have the t-shirts and the dri-fit shirts. I have the rates on this page if you want one. Please want one! They came out pretty nicely and I’ll write more about these later.

That’s All For Today
I might as well call it quits for this one. Sorry about the fussing. That’s just something I do every here and there. Have a great Monday. I hope to write something new soon.

I’ve always felt young. But for the first time in my life I’m actually feeling old. My birthday is on Sunday and I don’t like the number I’m staring at.

I’ll be 35. I don’t know why, but looking at the 3 and the 5 sitting next to each other looks terrible. Birthdays have never bothered me. They haven’t been exciting ever since I turned 21, but I’ve always looked forward to them. A lot of people don’t like their birthdays and don’t like to celebrate them. I’ve never really understood that feeling … until now.

I’m not dreading it, and I’m looking forward to whatever Tiff has planned (she has something planned, but I have no idea what). November 22 will always be the one day out of the year that I own. But I’m really bothered by this 35 thing. I’ll admit it. I’m not young any more. But this should be a good year. I think I’ve probably got about 55 or so marathons to run before my 36th birthday (OUCH, 36 … for real?) and hopefully lots of good things to accomplish. But I’ll be accomplishing them as a semi-old man.

Standard introduction: If this is your first visit here, I’m a marathoner and a father of three — but not in that order. My middle child, 6-year-old Jack, is severely autistic and next year I’m planning on running 60 marathons in his honor to try to raise money and nationwide awareness for Train 4 Autism, a wonderful charity.

Running Update
This morning, I woke up, was super-tired, got out the door, stood on my porch and went back inside and went to sleep. I was just too tired. Sometimes I’m sleepy and sometimes I’m also physically tired. That was today. Somehow, I think I’ll be OK tomorrow.

Yesterday, I ran 14.15 or something like that at 8:00/mile. I had some fairly quick sections, I took some sections easy, and all-in-all, I’m starting to feel better about how the wheels are turning. My heart rate has been fairly high in the chilly weather this week (low 40s, chilly for here), but I don’t care about that. I just care about the speed I’m getting up and down my hills. There’s a portion of my run that reminds me a lot of some of the downhills in Tucson. On those portions in 2007, when I ran my 3:00:05, I was running in the 6:35-6:45 range, and yesteray I was right around 6:30 or so at a good, solid (but less than marathon HR) effort. I need 6:52s. So, I’m getting some confidence. Part of that is also because of …

Weight Loss Update
About a month ago, I was feeling heavy, typically weighing in the 203-206 range. I’ve never really been below about 195 or so since I’ve been running marathons and my average weight has probably been in the 198-200 range. I decided I want to weight 190 when I start Operation Jack next year, and even though I haven’t gotten down that far since I started running, I don’t think that’s an unrealistic goal. It’s been about a month since I’ve been working at it and yesterday when I weighed in, I was 197.5. They say it’s two seconds per mile in a marathon per pound of weight loss. So, I like the direction that’s going. But I’m still enjoying myself. Which brings me to …

Ice Cream Update
I ran the streak to 29 days in a row with ice cream or frozen yogurt yesterday, leaving me 80 days behind my personal best. Yesterday’s was a pretty sweet serving.

I was at Costco, getting my hot dog lunch, when I noticed the woman in the line next to me fixing a tall cup of vanilla yogurt for the man in her line. She packed it in — not a lot of space wasted on air — plus she swirled it tall. It had to be the best serving I’ve ever seen at Costco, and I’ve seen plenty. So when I went back after finishing my hot dog, I made certain to get in her line. I normally get a vanilla/chocolate swirl, but she poured that man a vanilla, and I didn’t want to mess with something that was working. I ordered a vanilla, and she came through in the clutch for me. My serving was easily 20 percent larger than normal. $1.47 well spent.

Go Orange Strikers!
My 8-year-old son Bejamin’s soccer team is playing in the Region 85 U9 playoffs on Saturday morning at 9 a.m. And if when then win, they’ll advance to the championship game later that afternoon. His team has been a blast to watch this year. They have great coaches, some great players and they’re a lot of fun to watch. They’re just a bunch of young kids, but they sure do play hard and have a lot of fun together as a team. I’ve watched all the games and practices this year, and it sure has been a treat.

Sunday is going to be the year-end party for the team. There’s going to be a parents vs. kids soccer game and I think those 8-year-olds are going to make us look bad!

That’s All For Today!
I highly doubt I’ll blog tomorrow, so have a great weekend everybody! Good luck Ally!

OK, so I don’t have any deep issues to talk about today — just a quick little Operation Jack update. In-N-Out, Chick-Fil-A, oxygen, ice cream and shirts. I might throw in a bad joke or two if I can think of something clever, but that never happens.

Standard introduction: If this is your first visit here, I’m a marathoner and a father of three — but not in that order. My middle child, 6-year-old Jack, is severely autistic and next year I’m planning on running 60 marathons in his honor to try to raise money and nationwide awareness for Train 4 Autism, a wonderful charity.

Running Update
Despite my slow marathon on Saturday, I’ve had a couple of decent runs this week. I took Sunday off as a scheduled rest day, but couldn’t go out on Monday or Tuesday because we’ve got a house full of sick people and I needed to stay back just in case.

Wednesday, I felt sluggish, but I went 16.1 at a decent pace for my heart rate. I threw in 10 hill sprints at the end. Today, I went 15 miles and was pleased with my run. I started off taking it easy, but I felt like stepping it up and ended up with a decent run for me at this point — I covered the distance in 1:59:33 (7:58/mile) at 152 bpm. For where I am, where I’m trying to get and where I need to be, I’m content with that.

Chick-Fil-A Night!
I’m having In-N-Out for lunch today. And in other shocking news, the sky is blue. But for dinner, I’m going to Chick-Fil-A. As I’ve mentioned in here a few times, the Chick-Fil-A in Foothill Ranch is doing a fundraiser for us tonight.

If you’re in the area, stop in between 5 and 8 this evening and mention Operation Jack and we’ll get a portion of the proceeds. If you know anybody in the area, please spread the word! Dinner at Chick-Fil-A … super simple, and it’s going to a great cause!

Hyperbaric Chamber Update
Another item that I’ve mentioned here in the past is the hyperbaric chamber sessions donated to me and Jack by Advanced Hyperbarics. We went for our fourth session last Saturday and Jack is getting better and better every time.

The first time, he bolted for the door and was hysterical. On Saturday, we had a brief wait and he bolted for … the hyperbaric chamber! We’ve noticed some signs of improvement from him, so we’ll keep going and hope for the best. But he’s doing a better job sitting in there and holding the oxygen mask to his face. For me, it’s really helped me recover from my long runs.

Saturday was the toughest run I’ve had the day of a session, as I raced (albeit slowly) a marathon that morning. On Saturday night, I felt much better physically than I typically do the night of a marathon. Thank you, Mark Westaway of Advanced Hyperbarics, for so generously offering this to us!

Shirts Are On The Way
It’s taken a little time, but they’re finally shipping to me next Monday. To those of you who have them coming, they’re coming! And to those of you who want them, I have all the details here! If you have any questions, let me know! Get your OJ gear on!

Ice Cream Update
I had a lot of fun running up a streak of 109 consecutive days eating ice cream over the summer, but I accidentally forgot to have any on October 11, bringing the ride to an end. Well, I just wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that all is well in my freezer again. I had Peanut Butter Fudge Swirl last night while watching the CMAs and I’m at 22 consecutive days now. If my calculations are correct, I’ll set a new personal record on February 7 — Super Bowl Sunday and the day of the Surf City Marathon, race No. 8 on the Operation Jack schedule.

That’s All For Today!
See you at Chick-Fil-A tonight! Spread the word!