If you read my blog yesterday, you saw that I’m pretty down right now. I don’t even know what to think or do. But I’m going to use my blog to just write about what’s on my mind. Nothing more straightforward and to the point than that, right?

Just in case you’ve never been here, I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 7-year-old Jack, is severely autistic and I’m trying to run 61 full marathons this year to raise money and awareness for a charity I’m a part of called Train 4 Autism. So far, I’m through 47. Only 14 to go! Can’t wait!

Anyways, I guess I’ll just write about what’s on my mind. I’m beat up and I’m sore. My legs are dead and I think I made a mistake in kicking hard at the end of Sunday’s race, because the outside of my right leg is killing me now. I don’t have a real good feeling about this weekend’s marathon in Chicago.

I’m not going to worry too much about brainstorming ways to fundraise any more. If it happens, it happens. I’m not going to set myself up for any more failure. I’m just going to take care of my obligations and these days will go by and I’ll run marathon No. 61 before I know it. 83 days from today, not that I’m counting.

I also want to say that I read every single comment that came through on yesterday’s blog, but I didn’t respond to everybody. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that I’m not really up to talking about it once I write and post my blog. I’m in a tough place mentally right now.

Anyways, …

Thank You Sarah And Danielle
The night before the Boston Marathon this year, I was looking at my replies on Twitter and saw that two people were talking about a sign they made that they were going to hold up for me. The funny thing is, I don’t think I had ever talked to them before. They were behind what I did to the point that they were going to randomly make and hold up a sign for me. I was pretty flattered by that, because while I know I have a lot of people lurking and following me and I have no idea who you all are, it’s still pretty new to me and I’m not used to it.

So, I made sure to know where they were, and as I got close, I made sure to keep my eye out. I was excited to look for them, I saw them, and it gave me that last little boost I needed since they were at about mile 26.

I tracked them down when I got my phone after the race and we met up for lunch. They were really nice and it was fun hanging out with them for a little while. We talked and them forming a Train 4 Autism chapter in Maine, which is where they live, and they’ve done that. I’ve talked to them a fair amount since then and they’re very enthusiastic about their chapter.

I’m glad that what I’ve done has brought them on board. I’m heading out there next year to pace one of them through her first marathon. They’re pretty high on my list of favorite people I’ve met through Operation Jack.

The point I’m getting to is I wrote a bitter blog yesterday and after I wrote it, I was going through my email and saw an email from them with seven photos they took while working the Maine Marathon expo over the weekend. I figured I’ll include the photos in here, then copy and paste the email I sent them.

I really liked those photos. They made me happy. And they made me feel like a jerk for being so grumpy while they were out there recruiting at the expo. So I sent them an email to let them know I appreciate their efforts.

You’re going to have to forgive me in advance for the blog I wrote for Monday. Everybody wants to put a Superman cape on me but I’m just a guy who’s away from his family a lot and running his body into the ground. I know I signed up for it, and I don’t mind what I’m doing, but as the year goes on, I’m getting more and more beat up (as is obvious with my times) and when I have miserable failures like I did with my function with the Cardinals players on Saturday night, it makes me wonder if it’s worth it or if anybody even cares.

You guys will always be two of the people who most make it worth it for me. I can’t even explain what it’s like to be me and see these pictures arrive in my inbox. It’s pure awesomeness and I’m a pretty lucky guy.

Anyways, you’ll see in Monday’s blog that I’m on the bitter bus, but it has zero to do with you. You guys are a huge boost for me and I really appreciate your enthusiasm and efforts. Definitely looking forward to getting out there next year and pacing you (Sarah).

– Sam

Time To Think About 2011
I’ve been thinking more and more about 2011. I don’t know what to do. I have a lot of you guys following who think there’s something good about me. Obviously, that’s an indicator we’ve never met, but still, it means I have a platform. I don’t want to waste any opportunities if they’re actually there. So I need to think about what I’m going to do.

Autism is always going to be my primary cause because of Jack. But I’ve thought about branching out and working to help multiple causes. I’m not running 61 marathons next year. This is too much. So, if anybody out there actually thinks I could/should do something to keep people going or to do some good, let me know if you have any ideas.

That’s All For Today
Not really much of anything, other than what’s on my mind right now. Kind of bummed that I’m not more excited heading into the fourth quarter of this. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll snap out of it. Have a great Tuesday, y’all.

I suspect some of you are going to tell me to quit my fussing, but here comes a whiny weekend recap. Good stuff and bad stuff. If you’ve been following along for any chunk of time, you know I go through mood swings. Well, Grumpy Sam is in the house. Sorry.

Just in case you’ve never been here, I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 7-year-old Jack, is severely autistic and I’m trying to run 61 full marathons this year to raise money and awareness for a charity I’m a part of called Train 4 Autism.

I ran marathon No. 47 of the year yesterday, turning in a lousy performance at the Lewis & Clark Marathon in St. Charles, Mo. yesterday. Read all about it here. It was a tough run — I was probably in the worst condition, physically and mentally, that I’ve been in all year.

Anyways, the reason I write this blog is so that y’all can live vicariously through me as I go on this mission. Sometimes I’m having fun, sometimes I’m not. But you can be sure I’ll let you know when I’m struggling … like today.

Here’s the first item for today’s blog … I wrote this on my flight to St. Louis on Friday.

The Check Is No Longer In The Mail!
As a lot of you remember, we pushed and pushed in July in the Chase Community Giving Contest on Facebook and won $20,000. Well, the reality of that win came last Thursday when a senior vice president from JP Morgan Chase showed up with a check for the Operation Jack Autism Foundation! I guess people and groups really do win these contests!

As I’ve mentioned before, the net result of this is that Train 4 Autism is going to be the recipient of an extra $20,000 at the end of the year! And equally important, in my mind, is that this is roughly the cost of Operation Jack. So this, combined with a few things I’ve done outside of the donations that have come, means that all the money y’all have donated over the course of the year is going to Train 4 Autism.

I’ve made it no secret to that my Foundation is covering the expenses of Operation Jack. I can’t afford to do this, but I have firmly believed that it would be worth it and generate money and exposure that otherwise wouldn’t be there. Bringing in considerably more than the expenses has been a big concern of mine for more than a year. But this is America, land of opportunity. I took a chance and now I know with absolute certainty it paid off. And I still have the fourth quarter ahead of me, plus huge exposure coming in the December issue of Runner’s World.

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OK, now here is where I take a turn for the worse. Like, a complete 180. I wrote this on the plane back from St. Louis last night.

Saturday’s Fundraiser With St. Louis Cardinals Adam Wainwright and Skip Schumaker
We had a fundraiser on Saturday night at a sports bar with St. Louis Cardinals players Adam Wainwright and Skip Schumaker. Wainwright is a fan favorite and he’s been the best pitcher in the National League over the past two years, without question. He finished second in the Cy Young voting last year and will probably do the same this year. He led the league in wins last year and won 20 games this year. They’re rabid about their baseball in St. Louis, like you wouldn’t believe.

Schumaker, the team’s second baseman, struggled a little at the plate this year, but he hit better than .300 in 2007, 2008 and 2009, his first three full years, and fans love him. He’s a guy with a great work ethic who’s a team player and leaves it all on the field. When I talked to him about this earlier this summer, he told me that when him and Adam do autograph sessions like this, the lines go farther than the eye can see. We were pretty excited that this would raise a lot of money for Operation Jack. I did what I could to push it, I had people in St. Louis working to push it, the sports bar handed out flyers for weeks, they had posters and signs up inside advertising it and a big morning radio show in St. Louis was talking about it.

I talked to the manager of the bar about two weeks before the event and he told me he expected 300-400 people there. I recruited helpers so we could manage the line. Vendors donated items for a silent auction. I get little bits here and there from donations and various fundraising ideas, but I expected this to be one of the biggest fundraisers of the year. This had the potential to do very, very well.

So obviously, at this point, you get the hang of what this could have been. Well, I think we might have about 10 people pay for autographs. The bar was a ghost town. I’m not going to Monday morning quarterback the “why not” of this, but this was incredibly deflating. Adam and Skip were sitting at a table waiting to sign autographs and there was nothing to do. We probably waited 10 or 15 minutes for the first customer. I was beside myself. I didn’t even know what to think.

I joked with them that when they were done with their careers, they’d always remember this as the worst autograph session they ever did. They joked that it was the best, because it was easy and laid back. I felt bad for wasting their time, but they felt equally as bad for me because we were barely raising money. This was an absolute golden opportunity for Operation Jack and Train 4 Autism, and it ended up being just a little bit of sterling silver. We talked baseball and running for a little while to pass the time because there was nothing to do. It was just a painful experience. Skip told me that next year we’d give it a shot again, but he’d make sure it gets promoted better. I’ll keep that in the back of my mind, but I need to find some heart again. This was just a killer.

Now that you know what happened with the event, I’ll explain why this was such a mental smackdown for me. As you know, I’m all-in with this endeavor I’m on, and I never stop thinking of ways to raise money and attract people. That’s why I’m running 61 marathons and thrashing my body and spending the year writing blogs on airplanes. I’m perpetually exhausted, I hurt physically every day, but it’s been worth it, because I want to make a difference. I have this utopian dream of making the world a better place. Everybody has their skills and talents, and mine happens to be running marathons at a decent clip and recovering quickly. So, this is my attempt to use that ability to make the world a better place.

I have no clue what I’m doing. It’s trial and error, hit and miss. I fail a lot more than I succeed. I love, love, love succeeding. It was awesome taking that Chase check to the bank on Thursday. But I don’t think I’d be a good salesman, because I’m not good at handling rejection. I get a lot of rejection with Operation Jack. But I think this one, along with where we are in the year, might have been the one that finally did me in.

I couldn’t even fake a smile Saturday night or yesterday. It’s not just the money. I mean, we still brought in money that we didn’t have, even though it was probably about 5-7 percent of what we could have made. And yes I’m grateful that we even had this opportunity. My disappointment comes from the failure. I’m running out of gas, and that was like getting four flat tires. Right now, it’s just kind of like, “why?” I mean, I’ll finish up these 14 marathons and run every single one of them as hard as I can. But I don’t have much confidence in my ability to make any more of a difference the rest of the way. I’m not growing my base, I failed miserably with this event on Saturday, and really, I just think I’ve hit a wall in what I can do. It’s pretty much white flag time.

I feel like I’ve tried hard and put forth a hard, honest effort, and I’ve been doing it for a long time. But I think the heart switch got flicked to off. Yesterday, I had a couple of people, including my wife who I’ve been away from so much this year, reminding me that I can’t grow weary. That verse is right there at the bottom of this blog. Tiff told me God is testing me. I’m content with failing for the next 88 days.

I hear a lot of people tell me things about me inspiring them, and that scares me in a way, because I really don’t feel like I do anything out of the ordinary other than run a lot of marathons. And that ability is something that was given to me by God. He’s the one who’s inspiring. But my point is that as I write this, if you’re in the club that looks to me for any kind of inspiration, I hope I’m not letting you down. But at this point, you know I’m honest with you. I’m cooked.

Anyways, while I’m being honest, I really enjoyed going to the Cardinals game yesterday. Skip got some good karma for showing up Saturday night, going 2-for-5 with a run scored and a nice play in the field. The Rockies had one out and a runner on third when somebody lifted a lazy fly ball down the right field line and he raced over from second base to make a nice catch with his back to the infield. The runner on third tagged and tried to score, but he nailed him at the plate with a strong throw. The play wasn’t even close — the runner eased up about 20 feet from the plate and let the catcher tag him.

OK, that’s all I have for today. I’ll be back here with some updates on Jack. Have a great Monday, everybody.

I like to write a weekend recap, and with what was essentially a 3 1/2-day trip to run the Tahoe Triple, you’d think I’d have a lot to write about. But I take more of a business-like approach to this one than any other weekend, because even with all the marathons I’ve run this year, I couldn’t just show up and take the races for granted. I had three marathons to run, three marathons to finish, and there’s no way I’d allow myself to turn in a lousy effort.

Ordinarily, three marathons all-out in three days would be tough physically. But I knew it would be a little tougher than normal, because the courses are on rolling hills at elevation. I started to find that I have troubles above 4,000 feet, and the courses we ran on varied between 6,300 feet and 7,040 feet above sea level. I tried not to think about it all heading in. I knew I had three marathons, but I mentally blocked out how difficult the courses would be. I certainly wasn’t looking forward to it, though.

I left work after lunch on Thursday, flying in to Reno. When I got in, I had to drive straight to Tahoe, which was about an hour away, to attend a dinner for all the Triple runners that started at about the time I landed. I was a little late getting in, but I got there just in time to hear Dick Beardsley speak. He’s a running legend, a 2:08 guy back in the day, and it was fun to hear some of his stories. I sat at a table with a friend of mine, Lucia Lake, who is the race director for the 72-mile ultra associated with the weekend of events. I didn’t know I took the seat next to Beardsley until he was done speaking and sat down there next to me.

No big deal, but then when Lucia went up to speak, she started talking about me and went on for a little bit about Operation Jack. At that point, Beardsley started playing 20 questions with me, interested in how I was training, what I was doing to raise money and all those types of things. It was fun to get quizzed by him, but it was kind of awkward, because I’ll never be 1/10 the runner he was.

Anyways, I grabbed some pasta and some pizza and some rice krispie treats, then went to my motel and got settled in. I didn’t have to get up until 5:15 a.m. on Friday, which is fairly late for me on a race day. I think I got to sleep somewhere around 10 or 10:30, so I was fairly well rested. I’m used to running marathons on 4-5 hours of sleep this year due to the travel. I knew rest would be critical, so I was glad to start with about seven hours the first night.

After getting up and ready, I ran the first marathon (recap here) and was pretty wrecked. I texted my wife Tiffany to let her know I was done and safe (women worry about that stuff, I guess) and told her it was the most difficult marathon course I had ever run, because it was. If I had come home having just run that, I would have had a tough weekend. I finished fifth overall with a 3:49. It was that tough.

One benefit of the lake is that it’s cold water, perfect for an ice bath and easier than climbing into a tub. I went in for about 20 minutes before I went back to my motel, then stayed off my feet and got a bunch of work done on the computer. I didn’t have much of an appetite, but knew I needed to eat. About five hours after I finished the race, I went to Denny’s and forced myself to overindulge on all-you-can-eat pancakes.

I was full after three, but I forced myself to eat seven. I wasn’t convinced that I’d really be able to use all the carbs I ate for Saturday’s race, but I figured that if I didn’t burn all those pancakes, I’d use them for Sunday. I wasn’t tremendously concerned about protein after the first day. I’ve run at least 10 or so doubles before, so I know I can fight through it.

After eating, I went back to the lake for a second ice bath. It was about a 10-minute walk to the lake, so that was nice for a tiny bit of recovery. When I got back, I took some ibuprofen PM. It was only about 6:30 at that point, but I figured that would make me tired at a reasonable time. I picked up a couple of protein bars at a grocery store, then went to Burger King to get a small order of fries. My real reason to get the fries was so I could get a ton of salt packets. I had about 6-8 to get the salt back into my system, and I drank a ton of water and a couple of Gatorades to rehydrate. I called it a night, iced my right knee and right foot, and went to sleep, ready for the second day. Oh, I stretched, too. Two ice baths and stretching — definitely important when doing a triple!

I woke up on Saturday morning after getting about 7 1/2 hours of sleep and didn’t feel very tired, which was nice. My legs were a little tight, but not as bad as they normally are the day after a marathon. The ice and stretching must have helped, as did lounging around and staying off my feet for the most part.

I ran the second race on Saturday and my legs were pretty dead, but the pain wasn’t too bad. It was just tough. The run was nice, but it wasn’t a ton of fun because it was so difficult. I was pretty happy with how I did, because out of the top five finishers in the triple, I was the only one who was faster the second day. The course was easier (or, should I say, less difficult and miserable), but the other four were all slower. I went from 3:49 to 3:36 (recap here).

I went into the lake after the race again, but didn’t eat aside from a handful of pretzels. I wanted to work up an appetite, because I knew protein was important before the third race, and I was going to an all-you-can-eat stir-fry restaurant called Fire & Ice. I showered, got some work done on the computer, and about four hours after the race finally ended, I went to eat. I did a number at that restaurant, eating four full plates (each were the size of a dinner restaurant entree) and loading up. Chicken twice, mahi mahi, and then a huge serving of salmon. Lots of rice, tortillas and veggies in the mix there, too. I sat at the bar in the restaurant watching college football and the bartender was amazed by how much I was eating!

I got back to my motel, took another ice bath, then sat in bed watching football. I took some ibuprofen PMs at an early hour again, drank a couple of gatorades, had about 6-8 more salt packets, drank a ton of water and called it a night again.

I got up on Sunday and wasn’t tired but my legs were pretty tight. My left hamstring and right knee felt sore. I guess that’s to be expected after two marathons in two days. The third course is about as difficult as the first one and I knew it was going to be a tough day. It was pretty difficult to have a positive approach. I knew at the end of the day I would have completed the Tahoe Triple, which is a difficult challenge, but I really didn’t want to run 26.2 miles. There’s nothing quite like running 26.2 miles in the mountains when you don’t want when you’ve run marathons each of the previous days.

But I had to do what I had to do, and I battled through the third day (recap here). Of us top five in the Triple, I don’t think any of us finished faster the third day than the second day. But I was the only one who finished faster than I did the first day. I knew I did a good job taking care of myself and that I was ready for this. And I knew I was glad to be done! Any one of these three races would have been one of the toughest courses I’ve run. Lucky me, I got three of them in a row! I finished third overall in the Triple out of maybe 100 or so entrants.

After the race, I went and took another dip in the lake. It felt pretty nice to soak my legs. I was pretty exhausted! When I finally got back to my hotel, I showered, checked out, drove back to Reno and stopped at In-N-Out, then flew home (with a stopover) and finally walked through my door at 9:30 p.m.

I had a snack, posted my race report, worked on my blog, then called it a night. I have to get out the door before 7:30 to get Jack to school on time, which I did yesterday morning.

So, that was my weekend. Normally I have a function, I see something interesting or have fun anecdotes to tell. But for this weekend, I had to take a very serious approach, because if I didn’t, I’d be setting myself for a miserable experience.

Like this entire year has been, it was fun, challenging and memorable, but I’m not so sure I ever want to do it again!