Normally, I write my blog and I add the top paragraph when I’m done. I think of something clever to get you to read the rest of the blog. But today, I’m not feeling very creative and I’m in a hurry.

Just in case you’ve never been here before, I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 6 1/2-year-old Jack, is severely autistic and to make a really long story short, I’m trying to run 60 marathons this year to raise money and awareness for a charity called Train 4 Autism. The long story is here.

Speaking of Jack, keep happy thoughts for us today. We’re heading up to a highly recommended DAN doctor in Los Angeles. If you don’t know what a DAN doctor is, be grateful!

E-Mail Notices
A lot of you get email notices when I post new blogs. I’m not going to send those out any more because they take up too much of my time in the morning. But you all know I post them Monday through Thursday and I have an RSS subscription.

Weekly Contest
Every week, I have a weekly contest where you guys make an easy donation to a great cause by guessing how fast I’m going to run my race. If you think I’m going to run a 3:12, you donate $3.12. It’s super easy, less than the price of a happy meal, and did I mention that it’s going to a great cause?

Last week, I changed the contest up a little bit because I had a pancake-eating contest with a fellow former big-boy named Lonnie Butler. So y’all picked who you thought would win and it was me. I took everybody who picked me, came up with a very random process and legitimately chose Jennifer Whitter of St. Louis as the winner.

This week, it’s going to be the pick-Sam’s-time contest again. I’ll get to that in a bit.

Great Weekend, Coming Right Up!
San Diego is about a 90-minute drive from my house. I have to stay down there Saturday night, but it’s going to be a nice, easy weekend for me. I’ll be able to relax at home with the family on Friday night, sleep in and then hang out with the family on Saturday. I won’t need to head down until after lunch. I’ll have plenty of time that I won’t be rushed, I’ll be able to visit with people I want to meet in San Diego, and still have enough time to relax in my hotel Saturday night.

Sunday, after running the race, getting cleaned up and then having In-N-Out with some friends, I should be home by 1 p.m. Does it get any better than that? I’m not saying I deserve a break for a weekend, but that’s what I feel like I’m getting.

Ice Cream Update
I had butter pecan with s’mores flavored Magic Shell last night. Kind of an odd combo, but it was good. Really good. I highly recommend that magic shell. I’m at 123 days on my current streak now, in case you’re keeping track.

San Diego Race Preview
Well, this is my fifth time running the San Diego Rock ‘N Roll Marathon. They’ve changed the last few miles of the course, but I don’t think it’s going to have much of an impact on how I approach the course.

The first oh, 15 or 16 miles (maybe even more) are going to be the same and I’m really not concerned enough about the changes to study the course profile before I get my packet at the expo. I saw it a few months ago and nothing stood out. For the most part, this course starts off on a gradual uphill, has a blazing fast gradual downhill at somewhere around 4 or 5, then goes into a gradual uphill at around 6-7. There’s a long, fairly difficult climb from miles 8-10 or so up the 163, and a big part of that challenge is the camber of the road. You’re running on a slant, which is tough.

After that climb, though, there’s a big, sweeping downhill where you get some time back and catch your breath, and then you roll in on an unremarkable second half.

As much as I dislike Rock ‘N Roll events, this was my first marathon, so I’ll always go back and feel at home. In 2006, I ran a 4:06 in my first full. The next year, I went 3:21, which was a 17-minute PR at the time. In 2008, I went 3:07 five or six weeks after running a 3:03 at Boston, but I didn’t feel like I really had it that day. Last year, it was humid and I chose to run at sub-3 pace even though it was 10K effort for me. Seven miles of that did me in and I bonked pretty hard, finishing in 3:31.

I have a tiny bit of a confidence problem with my 3:57 in the Minnesota sun last weekend, but I know that was a 1-in-60 kind of day. I’m feeling fairly fast right now, though, and I’m still planning on chasing a sub-3:10. I’d love to set a course PR, which would be a 3:07:11. I think that’s fairly realistic. If I was setting an over/under for Sunday, it would be 3:09.

OK, so you hear that? Now enter the contest!

That’s All For Today!
Have a great weekend, everybody. I’ll see you back here Sunday with a San Diego race recap.

I got back from Fargo last Saturday, blinked twice, and all of a sudden it’s Thursday. These weeks fly by and it’s already time for another weekend preview. I’m not going to spend a lot of time analyzing how fast I’m going to run, though. It’s all about how much I’m going to eat.

Just in case this is your first time here, I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 6 1/2-year-old Jack, is severely autistic. Last year, after lots of brainstorming, I talked with my wife and we decided I’d attempt to run 60 marathons 2010 to try to raise money and awareness for a charity called Train 4 Autism.

So far, so good. I’ve run 26 full marathons since New Year’s Day. Only 34 to go. Maybe. I’ll get to that in a minute.

Jack Update
I haven’t talked a lot about Jack lately. It’s so weird for me to talk about what he’s going through, because due to his struggles, I feel like that’s something I just want to keep private. But if I wanted privacy, I shouldn’t have signed up for this. Plus, I know you guys are excited to hear about his progress and there’s nothing wrong with sharing.

We just got word late last week that he’s showing a lot of improvements with his behaviors. I mean, we knew this, but quantifiable data backs this up. So that’s good, right? Well, it’s a double-edged sword. There’s a very good chance that we’re going to see a reduction in services as a result of this. Our state is in a budget crisis and they look for ways to cut costs any time they can.

His behaviors are actually pretty mild — it’s his speech that’s the biggest problem. Once that comes through, we’re going to notice huge improvements. The behavioral therapy is really helping to bring out speech, so while it’s possibly justifiable to reduce services in that area, the reality is it’s probably going to impact his speech development.

Our therapists are going to help us with this fight, but it’s very possibly going to be a fight. So we’ll see what happens. Ahh, the joys of being a special-needs parent. In California.

Weekly Contest
Every week, I have a contest where you try to guess my time. If you think I’m going to run a 3:10, you make a donation of $3.10 as your entry. The person who comes the closest without underbidding wins their choice of an Operation Jack t-shirt, tech shirt or sweatshirt.

Last week’s winner was Melissa Gillespie, an Operation Jack supporter from Washington State. This week, we’re going to have a variation on the contest and it’s going to involve a pancake-eating contest. I’ll explain that a little further down in this blog.

A Contest I Can Enter!
If there was ever a contest that was made for me, it’s THIS ONE! I am SO entering this. I need to figure out a way to make this help Operation Jack. I’ll think of an idea, but I need a little time. I just found out about this yesterday.

I’m In Numbers Heaven!
When I hit 5.2 miles on Sunday, I’ll be at 26.2 marathons for the year! Yeah! I’m such a geek — this is the kind of stuff I live for. Pretty sad, huh?

Thank You, Wendy!
One of my wife’s best friends, Wendy Goetschel, surprised the heck out of me with a really nice wall post she made on Facebook, so I wanted to use my space to publicly thank her! This is what she wrote:
Friends – I AM ASKING FOR YOUR HELP! My close friend has a son, who is severly autistic. What I see Jack and the rest of the family go through breaks my heart. To raise money and awareness for Autism, her husband is running a marathan EVERY WEEK for a year (that’s 60 marathons), across the united states, the name of their non-profit is “Operation Jack”. If each friend could just donate $5.00 – it would make a HUGE difference. This family and cause is so dear to me. WHO is IN? Here’s the link:
Her friends listened! Thank you for your help, Wendy!

Feel Free To Say Hi!
I’ve known for a while that it’s a pain in the butt to leave a comment here. I built this site last summer and at the time, I didn’t know a thing about blogs. I’ve learned as I’ve gone along, and one thing I’ve learned is that my setup is extremely user unfriendly. I required user registration when I built this to prevent spam — comments don’t post until an account is verified. I get tons of spam that doesn’t make it to the site, but if there’s one thing I know I’ve prevented, it was getting people to leave comments. Who wants to register just to post? I wouldn’t!

I was working on integrating WordPress, but I wanted to do that inside of the system I built, and that was going to take a lot more time and energy than I have nowadays. So, I put in a captcha (you can see it at the bottom if you don’t know what that is), which only requires you to enter in the squiggly words in the picture. I uploaded it Tuesday night, and I didn’t get a single piece of spam on Wednesday. I’m not at all surprised.

So anyways, it should be a little more user-friendly here now. If you’ve been here but never left a comment, say hi and let me know you were here! No registration required!

This Week’s Contest
As I mentioned, I have a weekly contest. This week, though, it’s going to be a pancake-eating contest and you guys need to pick a winner. It’s going to be Sunday after the race in Rochester. I’m going head-to-head with an Operation Jack supporter named Lonnie Butler. Like me, Lonnie has a son named Jack who struggles with autism. Also, like me, he’s running the marathon in Rochester on Sunday. I’m looking forward to meeting Lonnie, his wife, and his Jack on Saturday night, and then seeing him finish his FIRST MARATHON on Sunday!

But after the race, it’s gonna be on like Donkey Kong. Lonnie’s a recovering big boy like me. I maxed out at 261 pounds and I’m in the 203 neighborhood nowadays. He dropped from 300+ to about 210. Some of my proudest food moments including eating 100 fried shrimp at Sizzler when I was 14, eating 11 pancakes at IHOP after the Country Music Marathon in April, out-eating three large men at my last job when we went for 4x4s at In-N-Out and then ice cream, and a barbecue at my fraternity house back in the day when beer induced me into eating eight hamburgers (some with buns, some without).

Lonnie has a pretty impressive resume too, though. Lonnie once had a meal where he ate a two-pound porterhouse steak, a banked potato, sourdough bread and salad with pop. He typically ate four to six servings of the all-you-can-eat pasta at Olive Garden, can easily put away a large or extra large pizza and once drank six cans of Mountain Dew in less than three minutes.

I’ve got my work cut out for me, but I want to win. So, here’s the contest. Pick who you think is going to win. If you think it’s going to be Lonnie, click here or on the “Donate Now!” link at the top of any of the pages on this site and donate $3. If you think it’s going to be me, same deal, but I’m $4. I’ll randomly draw somebody who bets on the right person and the winner will receive their choice of Operation Jack apparel.

So, that’s the contest for this week. We’re going to tweet from the restaurant. I’m @operationjack and Lonnie is at @LonnieRuns. Now c’mon, enter the contest! It’s for a great cause!

60 or 61?
As of now, I’m planning on running 60 marathons this year. But I’m willing to make that 61 and run Memphis on December 4 if Lance Haney hits his fundraising goal. We’re going to work it this summer and try to get that thermometer moving. 60? 61?

Where Should I Go?
Speaking of Lance, last week he told me that the Atlanta Marathon scheduled for Thanksgiving Day has been cancelled. So now, I have a hole in my schedule. I’m looking at three possible races: Seattle on Saturday the 27th or Waveland, Miss. or Cocoa, Fla. on Sunday the 28th.

I guess this is a cheesy fundraising attempt, but what the heck … raising money for Train 4 Autism is the name of my game this year. If anybody wants to pick my schedule, first person to make a $100 donation can tell me where to go. Or something like that.

Race Preview
The course actually looks fairly quick for the way I run. I usually get a lot out of the early miles without wrecking my heart rate. It starts with a big downhill and then a gradual uphill from 1 to 3. After that, it’s a gradual downhill net with some rollers and what looks to be a screaming-fast, yet manageable, downhill from 7.5 until about 8.8 or so. From there, a very, very slight gradual uphill in the middle third of the race and then a gradual as I kick to the finish.

On paper, the course looks fast. The temps could be warm, but they might not be too bad. I’d call this a quick course for the way I run. If I was betting, I’d peg myself at 3:10 for this one, but it wouldn’t surprise me to be several minutes quicker. If I’m feeling good, I like my chances for a quick run in this one.

That’s All For Today
Please, please, please enter the contest! And leave me a comment to let me know you were here! I’ll get a race report up at some point on Sunday. Have a great Memorial Day Weekend, everybody!

It’s Thursday, which means it’s time for my formulaic weekend preview blog. Can you tell I’m not feeling very creative with my writing? I’d better get creative with my running, though, because I’m facing a tough marathon this weekend and I have no idea how I’m going to pull off a good run.

Just in case this is your first time here, welcome! And here’s my standard introduction: I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 6 1/2-year-old Jack, is severely autistic. To try to make a difference in the autism community, I’m trying to run 60 marathons this year to raise money and awareness for a charity called Train 4 Autism. Saturday will be No. 26.

Heading into the weekend, I give a little bit of a forecast of the weekend’s race. I have a contest — you guess my time, and the winner gets their choice of an Operation Jack t-shirt, tech shirt or sweatshirt. The way to make your guess is to make a small contribution of what you think my time is going to be. So, if you think my time is going to be 3:10, you make a donation of $3.10. To make a donation, just click here or click on the “Donate Now!” link at the top of any page on this site.

Last week’s winner was Dana Hansen of Long Beach, Calif. I used to work with Dana and she’s a runner and a triathlete. I was pleasantly surprised when I was walking through the parking lot at the airport on my way to Cleveland last weekend and I saw her guess come across on my BlackBerry. I know I get quite a few hits, but I never know who’s reading. I didn’t expect that Dana was following along, so it put a big smile on my face!

If you’re out there reading and I don’t know you’re out there reading, make a guess and give me the pat-on-the-back I crave! But first, keep reading, because I’ll give you some analysis on how I think I’ll do.

Bowling For OJ!
I take Jack to a facility called Advanced Hyperbarics for treatment in a hyperbaric chamber. We’ve been going for six or seven months and we’ve noticed a lot of improvements in that time period. They’ve been really good to us and I really appreciate everything they’ve done.

Anyways, they’re having a bowling fundraiser to help benefit Generation Rescue and it’s actually pretty affordable for a fundraiser. It’s going to be on July 17 at Lucky Strike bowling alley at the Block of Orange — if you’re in Orange County out here near me, you know where that is. I’d love to get a team going for that. If you’re interested, let me know! Click here to download a PDF with information about the event.

I Earn A Medal On Saturday, She Deserves A Medal On Sunday
On Sunday, I’m celebrating 11 years of marriage to my best friend. Don’t tell my wife! Ha ha … we got married on May 23, 1999. I look back at that day and think about how we had no idea what we were getting into. We’re two peas in a pod and marrying her was the best decision I ever made.

Fargo Forecast
I honestly don’t know a lot about the course in Fargo. I’ve heard it’s a fast, flat course and I haven’t really looked at the course description yet. I know we finish in a dome, but that’s about it. I’m confidently attacking this as a course without any significant elevation changes.

BUT, the forecast is not good running weather. Last night, the forecast for Saturday sits at a high of 80, low of 68, 30 percent chance of showers. The race starts at 8 a.m., so I’ll be running until after 11 a.m. The best I’m really hoping for is low 70s with a fair amount of humidity. I head into every race gunning for a smoking time, and I’ll run this one by heart rate, but I know there’s no way I’m going to run a time that makes me excited.

If I’m a betting man, which I’m not (but I hope you are!), I’d go with about a 3:20. I’m thinking back to Miami, which was 70 degrees with 96 percent humidity, and I went 3:20:03. And there was Nashville, which was in the 70s and humid with showers at the end and I went 3:34 (although in all fairness, the race started early and I was late, so I had to start in the second wave and spend 11 miles dodging and weaving through slower runners).

So, my guess is 3:20. But I hope that’s high! If you’ve been following along, let this be the week that you finally bid!

Have A Great Weekend!
That’s all I have for today. Nothing much. Have a great weekend, everybody. I’ll post my race recap at some point on Saturday!

It’s already Thursday, which is great for several reasons. First, I don’t have to write a blog tonight. Also, I start carb-loading again today, although really, I’m not very excited about that. I get to go out to lunch with my wife and daughter today since it’s Thursday (except I really won’t, because she’s been busy this week with a lot of things and can’t make it). But most important, I get to offer up my weekend preview blog, and while that might not truly be what’s most important, it’s a lead-in to the rest of my blog.

Just in case this is your first time here, I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 6 1/2-year-old Jack, is severely autistic. I wanted to do something to try to make sense and a purpose out of what he’s going through, so I came of with the idea of trying to run 60 marathons this year to raise money and awareness for a charity I’m a part of called Train 4 Autism. I call it my stupid human trick.

So far, I’m on target. This is the 20th weekend of 2010 coming up and Sunday’s Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon will be my 25th full marathon of the year.

Weekly Contest
Every week, I have a contest where you try to guess my time in my upcoming race. Now, since this is all for charity, it costs money to participate in the contest. But since I’m a really nice guy, it doesn’t cost a whole lot of money. Basically, if you think my time is going to be 3:12, you donate $3.12. If you think it’s going to be 4:00, I don’t like you either, but I thank you for the $4. To enter, you can click here or on the “Donate Now!” link on the top of any page.

The person who wins the contest is the person who comes the closest without bidding under and in the event of a tie, I’ll draw between the participants who tied. The winner gets their choice of an Operation Jack t-shirt, tech shirt or sweatshirt. The sweatshirts are getting pretty good reviews, although I’m not getting complaints about anything.

Last week’s winner was Katey Williamson. She should just write my blog and tell what she expects me to do, because I think this is the third time she’s won. She said she wanted to keep playing until she won one of each item. I told her I hoped she started losing so I could keep getting her $3. Oh well, I was just joking and I’m happy with whoever wins, because they played, which I appreciate.

To help you play the contest, I write a little bit of a preview of the race and I forecast how I think I’m going to do. It’s a crapshoot — anything can happen during the course of a race — but I usually know when I’m going to run well and when I’m not going to run well. I’ll get to that in a bit.

Tweet Of The Day
Ok, so if you don’t follow me on Twitter, you found this blog other than from when I tweeted it. And you missed my Tweet of the Day yesterday, as voted on by me.

“Tom Brady has sons named Benjamin & Jack & a hot wife, just like me. But I have 52 marathon medals & he only has 3 Super Bowl rings.” Yep, that’s true. If you follow me on Twitter (@operationjack) you’ll get pearls of wisdom like that.

Jack Story Of The Day
Jack had a great morning yesterday. He struggled getting out of bed, but he was in a great mood when I got him to school, which was the exact opposite of Tuesday. I picked him up from Tiff after work because we had a session at Advanced Hyperbarics last night.

It’s so weird, because I meet up with Tiff at a gas station right off the highway to get Jack. Any outsider watching would probably think we’re having a custody exchange. I learned to stop really caring about what other people think a while ago, because with Jack I’ve learned to focus on him, not strangers.

Anyways, the session was great for the first 2/3 or so, and I started writing this blog (on a pad of paper with a pencil) while he watched a Curious George movie. But out of nowhere, he started having a meltdown and I struggled to calm him down. I felt bad watching him sit there getting so upset. I have no clue what the problem is, and I hate looking at the little guy knowing he has to sit through his sessions in there because of something he was born with. A lot of kids are much worse off, but it’s still sad to look at your own kid and know he’s not living a typical childhood.

At least on the ride home he was pretty calm and then he went to sleep without much issue. Poor little dude.

Race Preview
OK, this week’s race is the Rite Aid Cleveland Marathon. I took a quick look at the course profile yesterday. It’s got some rollers and a couple of decent climbs, but it doesn’t look ridiculous. I wouldn’t call it a PR course, but it looks like a course I could reasonably expect to go fast on if I have a good day.

The more I race, the more I realize I don’t race too well heading up longer hills, but I do fairly well on rollers. You use different muscles going uphill than you do downhill, so I mix it up and my body seems to respond pretty well to that. They don’t faze me like they used to. I just wish I didn’t fade so bad heading up hills.

A big part of it all is mental, and mentally, I’m fired up to run. I have some very good supporters running in this race, and the way I see it, I owe them a good run on their course. I felt the same way when I ran Tampa with Jen Morgan, and I feel the same way this weekend. I started doing a training plan with speedwork again last week, so I’m just getting going with that.

Physically, I’m feeling decent, aside from some sporadic throbbing in my right leg. Mentally, though, I have some confidence with two sub-3:10s in the past month, plus the addition of speedwork to my regimen. And of course, I’m pretty excited to run. I probably won’t be too well rested, but I won’t be excessively tired.

I want this one bad and I really think I can go get it. So, as optimistic as this sounds, I’m setting my over/under at 3:08.

Please, please, please … I know you have $3! Hook me up with the pat on the back I’m craving and participate in the contest! Just click on the “Donate Now!” link on the top of this page!

EDIT: I wrote this blog Wednesday night, but on my run Thursday morning, my right hip/glute really started stinging me at about 5 miles in. I’m working on this and am optimistic about Sunday. If this flares up, though, it could be another one of those days in the 3:20 range. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Follow-Up To My Tweet Of The Day
So I went with this: “My wife found Dreyer’s Root Beer Float flavored ice cream with only 100 calories per 1/2 cup. Let’s see Tom Brady’s wfe buy that!” That’s what I had last night to stretch the streak to 102 days. Eight more to tie my record, nine to make history.

That’s All For Today, Folks
Have a great weekend! I’ll post a race recap at some point on Sunday.

Well, it’s Thursday, which means it’s time for my weekend preview. Marathon No. 23 of the year is this Sunday, and it’s the closest race to my house — the Orange County Marathon. No flights, no travel, no adjusting time zones, and for the first time in four weeks, I only have to run one marathon!

If this is your first time here, I’m a father of three and a marathon runner. My middle child, 6 1/2-year-old Jack, is severely autistic. I decided I wanted to try to put my legs to good use and make a difference in the autism community, so I came up with this crazy idea of trying to run 60 marathons this year to try raise money and awareness for a charity I’m a part of called Train 4 Autism.

So far, I’m through 22 races without any major problems. I use this blog as an opportunity for people to see what’s on my mind, as if it’s interesting living vicariously through a guy who’s not going to do much more this year than run 60 marathons, work full time, raise three kids, hang out with his wife and tell bad jokes. That’s pretty standard stuff in my world. Zzzzzzz.

Anyways, on Thursdays I have my weekend preview, where I forecast my race and talk about a contest I have. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m not too enthusiastic about this one. I’m kind of in a funk right now. I’m in a tough spot where I need to write this blog and write what’s on my mind, and normally I’m upbeat and positive and I tell silly jokes, but sometimes I just don’t have that in me.

I’ve struggled with depression in the past. It used to get really bad several times a month. For the most part, since I truly turned to God about two years ago, I’ve done a complete 180 and life has been wonderful. I thank Him for that, as well as for putting me in this position where I might be able to have a positive impact on a lot of people. But occasionally, something will trigger my depression and I’ll have a rough go.

And lucky me, that’s what’s going on this week, and it’s a total bummer, because it’s a home weekend for me. Three different things triggered it on Tuesday night, and while I’m angry about two of those things (and they’ll be taken care of), the depression is what’s actually causing my problems. It’s tough, because I realize when I’m struggling through this, but there’s really nothing I can do to snap out of it.

I prayed before I went to sleep last night to get lifted out of this funk. I went to sleep early, because I was tired, and Tiff woke me up with some good news about one of my kids that I’m going to keep private. When I woke up this morning, I was feeling a lot better. Still not 100 percent, but better.

So anyways, this weekend’s race. It’s the Orange County Marathon and it’s fairly flat and fast for a marathon course. It could get a little warm, and last year it was humid, so I have no idea how it will go. On this course last year, I went 3:11, which was somehow good enough for 14th overall. It’s kind of important to note that overall placement, because when 3:11 gets that, it’s a relatively slow day and there’s potential for a better time.

I’m racing my dad and my stepmom, who are both competing in the half marathon. They have treadmill workout times for 8+ miles and if they held those times, they would finish the race in 2:59. The adrenaline of race day will keep them rolling, but the challenge of the extra miles and covering the ground on the road instead of on the treadmill will make things a little more difficult. It should be a pretty close race between us. I could see myself going anywhere from 3:05 to 3:22 and I could see them going anywhere from 2:50 to 3:30.

First, though, I need to completely snap out of my funk and get motivated. If the race was this morning, I’d be running it in 3:50, because I can’t even imagine pushing and turning the wheels hard right now. I’m sure I’ll get there by Sunday. It’s just a matter of time.

I was going to have a bet with my dad and a promotion with you guys over my race with them, but I’m not going to do that. My heart isn’t in it to push for anything right now. I also typically have a contest where you guys try to guess my time by making a donation as your guess (you think I’m going to run a 3:07, so you donate $3.07 and the winner gets their choice of an Operation Jack t-shirt, tech shirt or sweatshirt).

I haven’t looked through the entries from last week, but I will and I’ll notify the winner. I normally do that for my Wednesday blog, but that didn’t happen this week. I’m not going to have the contest this week because I’m just not in the mood to be cheery and try to pitch it and after wasting away this opportunity to make something happen with this race with my dad, I don’t want to have my same old contest instead.

So I guess that’s it for today. I hate to write such a downer of a blog, but the whole point of writing these is for me to be me and give you a glimpse of what goes on in my mind as I go through this whole thing. This where I’m at right now. Sorry to not be so upbeat.